Sign # 547 That The World Is Going Downhill: Laffy Taffy Jokes Are Getting Suckier

Where did the sick ship go?
To see a dock.

Why did the chef let mosquitoes bite him?
Because he wanted to make a cake from scratch.

What the hell? I know these are sent in by Joe Public, but REALLY.

This goes along with reason #546, Sunday Comics Haven't Been Funny For Ten Years.

Birthday Count: T-minus 12 days

So, yep, Im back, after a lovely trip to Seattle with a couple of my best friends (whom I consider family; we may not have the same parents, but they are all crazy). A good time was had by all, even for when we drank every flavor of Jones' Soda (Thanksgiving and Holiday flavors, respectively), which Im pretty sure are sweetened with the fart-breath of Satan himself.

Sorry I didnt write a big kick-ass blog before I left. I had planned to, but I couldn't narrow down my mind to write a blog. I was so terrified of money, so worried about not killing my mother, and so nervous about the trip itself. Now that Im back, however.....

My lovely Mother (bless her heart) quit her job about a month and a half ago. Its high time for her to get another one, in my own humble opinion. If she doesnt get one in the next, oh, two days, Im vaguely concerned about how we will eat next month. I will get paid, but my paycheck pays for exactly 50% of our bills. So thats fucked.

But, on the lighter side of things, here's a list of things to look forward to.

*An Inherit the Wind party. Isnt this show over? I AM excited to see the directors and my lovely ASM, but jesus. I say again. Isnt this show over?

*MY 24th. Only 12 days away! This is, frankly, the most important day in any of your lives, and I want to make it clear that I dont need a bunch of gifts, or a big party or anything. Sexual favors will suffice.

*New Years Eve. I am working on a rock-out, good-time, drunken-incident party. More to come.

If you'll notice, I did not put Christmas down. Now, I'm not terribly upset about presents (I get shit all the time). I'm not even terribly upset about not having a sweetheart to hold on Xmas Eve. I am, however, a little sad that we are so broke that we will most likely have Hamburger Helperfor our Christmas dinner. Humbug. I feel like sleeping (or drinking) from December 24th to the 28th.

All that being said, I missed out on the monthly birthday celebration at work because it was held at the office Christmas party, which I did not attend. Now, every month, the birthday people get a gift. Usually disgustingly cheap, always baffling. (For instance, one of my friends got thank you cards with cats on them. She is allergic.) I got my present this morning. A blackjack-size candy cane, perfect for braining people. What is trying to be suggested here? That I kill everyone?

.......Hmm.

Days until Seattle: 4

So, today one of my good high school friends found me, and after not seeing each other for about 3 or 4 years, Im glad to have her back in the fold. Welcome back, Danielle!

This week is going surprisingly happy for me. Im broke, and have no plans of ever getting money until this year is over, but at least I have a trip to look forward to. And I AM SO EXCITED about it. Catpants and E3 are exceptionally good at vacation planning, and I think they have set me up nicely for a good time, steeped in alcohol and Seattle-ness. WOO!

Again, sorry for the no bloggies lately. I guess Ive been so caught up in living my life that I havent felt the urge to write about it. Once again, I promise, before I leave I will write a nice, big, kick ass blog.

Until then, what do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinocerous?

The trouble with Friends

So I have three friends about to do a show in the Colony. They are excited about it, and so I receive personal emails from all of them, broadcast emails from all of them, and also: unfortunately, I seem to be on everyones list, so as soon as I get one broadcast email from friend a, friend b will send it out to all of THEIR friends (ie me). So I now have 83 emails about the same show. I GET IT. Just kidding, buddies.;)

So, sorry about the lack of personal updates on the old Nutspace lately. What with the robberies, Master's Degrees, new relationships, big moves, job offers, auditions, and general exciting things on all yalls blogs, I kinda didnt have anything of consequence to add.

I still dont, but you know. Gotta keep the peeps happy. Gotta keep the party poppin. Gotta keep the.....jimmy....hatted.

Be right with you.

What comes before part b?

PART-AY!

Conversation with Dr Dexter Yesterday

Me: SO what is wassail anyway?
Dr: Well, its a drink with fruit and spices. Normally its served alcoholic, but since we are going to a family type gathering, it may be served non-alcoholic.
Me: Oh, itll be alcoholic when I order a beer with it.