All over, people are suffering, persevering, and making their dreams come true. Somewhere in the universe, The Local Nutcase is reconsidering what his blog stands for. Where is the beer?

Monday, March 28, 2005

DISCLAIMER!

The following story/discussion is what may be classified as "filthy". I will attempt not to use childish, dirty words (like "boner"), and make this as euphemistic as possible.

On friday I was over at a friends house and chatting with a couple of girls. Somehow, the topic of conversation got to be sex, and all of our strange bedroom foibles. While one girl went to the bathroom, another told me that the first has a thing about guys "finishing" in her mouth. I was like, "makes sense, I wouldn't like it either." The girl then told me that no, indeed, she didnt like (...uh...) "FINISH" at all. That kinda got me wondering. Later on, the girl in question said she wasnt afraid of it, but she didnt want to be "finished" on at all.

Now, this really got me thinking. I was at first like, "How can you say that? YOU HAVE TO CUM SOMWHERE!" Then it occurred to me that I was not a firehose or anything in the bedroom. Ive never wanted to spray the curtains or anything. But I wondered then if it would be one of those psychological things, where if a girl says "You can do everything but this", it becomes your LIFE'S MISSION to do whatever it is you can't do. I've dealt with this before. One time a girl told me I could absolutely NOT.....PLEASURE her, orally. From then on, I was constantly headed south with my kisses. (Keep in mind, this was high school, when whether he wants to or not, sometimes a guy lets his hormones take over.)

THEN it got me thinking, maybe I will use this technique to my advantage! I will DECLARE "Under The Clothes" action taboo, and tell people Im saving myself for the pope or something. Then, I'll surely get MORE sex than I get right now. (Alcohol was involved with this statement.)

Anywho, on to more funny things. This is a conversation I had about easter this weekend.

A:I think I’m a it cranky today.
B:At least Jesus woke up yesterday.
A:Wouldnt it be funny to return to the tomb of Jesus and find a bunch of tv wires and beer cans running out the door?
B:And the pizza delivery guy outside grumbling about the lack of tip.
A:"I was waiting tables at The Nazareth Bar, when this table of 12 caused some ruckus. Apparently, this one guy, John, wanted to sit next to the guest of honor, Jesus...but this other guy in the party, Paul, was having none of it because it was his birthday and he called it. I dont know. It was a pretty tough night, as we had just fired our dishwasher, and everyone there had to share the one cup. They said that Jesus guy was some kinda magician, and that he could clear up my eczema. I dont know anything about that, but a busboy shook hands with him and it cleared up his sinuses."

I wont tell you which one was me.

2 Comments:

Blogger Sassy said...

this girl who doesn't want to see "FINISH" anywhere has obviously had very few sexual experiences with anyone she cares about at all. becuase, while it is a vile substance, albeit necessary, it can be a huge turn-on just to see your partner that turned on about something. if he likes it all over your chestal area and gets turned on by it, that should be enough to make you not be a selfish prude about it. and it cleans up real nice anyway...just don't use water. ;)

3/28/2005 12:08:00 PM

 
Blogger Sassy said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3/28/2005 01:23:00 PM

 

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