CABA-RAPE

Don't get confused, I have just put up a bad title for a good show.

I have to say, after two nights, my experience with Cabaret has been very positive. It was strange at first, as it always is with a show you swoop in and work in the last week. Everyone in the cast has there rhythms with each other down, and everyone but you knows where the problems and good spots are. The designers and techies are usually running around not knowing what's going on, and most everyone has a job for you.

It was nice seeing so many people I know, but it was also very strange because even though you know all these people, only half will treat you like they really know you. You end up having weird moments where you push something too far with someone who feels they dont know you well enough. (Im not talking dirty, I just mean those jokes that tend to unsettle strangers). Then, the people you DO know will make you feel extra special. Its very tiring sometimes.

Another funny thing is that it seems people are so used to me being in a position of authority that no one can buy me not knowing whats goin on. I wear the headset, and thirty people who have been there since day one are asking me how a scene will work.(Their answer? "Shit, I dont know.")

I have to say, the greatest part of the show for me is the EXTREME appreciation I get from the stage manager and director. I've worked with them before, in a little show I like to call "Kill Me Im Irish" (Finian's Rainbow). They seem to very much know what they are doing, classically trained and all, so I always want them to think Im smart and funny and everything. (When someone is great at what they do, its like I get a crush on them. I worry about how I look in front of them, I hope they will like me and respect me, etc) The first thing they both said to me was "Nutcase! We're SO glad you're here!" They immediately put me to work, and have been pretty much ever since. But after a few years of feeling weird about that, I really realize that means people trust you to do that work. Several times the stage manager has turned to me and said "Hey, I know Im putting a lot on you" and I say, "Hey its my job." He smiles real big, and says thanks.

The best ever came last night, after everyone had left. I was standing around with the director and the stage manager. The set designer came over and started talking, and at some point some reference was made to me not knowing how to do something. I stood up, and jokingly said "Im off the project!" The director immediately said "NO! Nobody insult Nutcase! We NEED him!" I felt so very special! Then, as everyone left, the director says to the stage manager, "You want your notes?" Since I know that they have been having a private after show meeting every night, I said "Alright, I'll take off." "The director said, "No no, you should hear some of these. Maybe you can help."

I know this may seem gay or whatever, but I felt like King of the World.