Half a Million Bucks

Well, Nutcase is back in the house. I found out yesterday that I will be Stage Managing (all by myself, a real big boy stage manage) Inherit The Wind, directed by a long lost theatre buddy of mine. Huzzah! Bring on the religion!

For those of you who may not have heard, it is true, Mary and I are no longer together (the irony in that statement gives me ass pains). Its ok, she's still an angel in Orlando, just not MY angel in Orlando. I think the commute just got to be too much for us. But, she's still around, and I still encourage you all to read her blog. http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=memary
Its funny, she's funny, and its good bloggin'.

I will have to say that Nutcase: Year 23 (my twenty-fourth actual year on this planet) has been a tough one. I guess not as tough as high school (lotta hormones) or college (lotta hatred from the roommate, not much sex) but this past year probably had more actual tough problems and horrible happenings. Now, I know I get complainy all too often, and I don't want this to be a pity party. Its just that more than once this year, I have told my good friends Catpants or E3 or Babs or Lestat what has been wrong lately, and they stare in shock that I haven't immediately leapt in front of the nearest team of Clydesdales.

You know, aside from all my problems (even with them), I am the luckiest guy you will ever read a boring blog of angst about. I know that as well as I know my own name (Nutcase). I just...

I know that probably my two closest friends (Catpants and E3, even though if you pay attention to his blog, he doesn't technically exist anymore) would not be able to name a time when I was 100% more happier than I am. I think the difference this year is the amount of time between unhappy moments. This year, its pretty much been cut down to an average of a couple of weeks before something horrible happens. (knock on wood to that one, Im on week two of reasonable straightforwardness; or was last week the week Corky died and I broke up....it was. Rest easy).

But, I have stuff to look forward to. My next sunrise. The next time I see my friends and break bread with them. The next time I do something special and make my mom happy (which happens so rarely, it seems lately). My beautiful life in Seattle, and all the trips that get ready for that. My next pet, and the next time I make a girl smile by being funny(hopefully that last one will happen, you know, within the next lunar cycle, but you get my point). I have so much to be thankful for, much less to look forward to. I love you all, and I seriously hope the tone of this blog hasn't taken on a suicide note quality.

(I know its cheesy of me to always put lyrics on my blogs to show what Im feeling, but fuck ya if ya cant read a Steve Winwood song.)

It used to seem to me
That my life ran on too fast
And I had to take it slowly
Just to make the good parts last
But when you're born to run
It's so hard to just slow down
So don't be surprised to see me
Back in that bright part of town

I'll be back in the high life again
All the doors I closed one time will open up again
I'll be back in the high life again
All the eyes that watched me once will smile and take me in
And I'll drink and dance with one hand free
Let the world back into me
And on I'll be a sight to see
Back in the high life again