A Parade of Emotions In the Wake of A Pseudo-Breakup

You know what the worst feeling in the world is?

Say you were dating this girl. A beautiful girl, a smart, funny girl, the kind you dream about, with none of the drama, with only good thigns to add to you. The kind of girl you think would absolutely compliment your life.

One night, she gets upset about something that happened during her day, and you try to comfort her, and bring out the old standby (that works for me every time), "Everything will be alright, baby. I promise." Its obvious that this does not make her feel better.

On a different night, you are in a bad mood. After thinking a bit about a certain conversation you've had, you feel terrible over the fact that you may have snapped at her. She didnt deserve that, you think. Goodness, she's probably seething right now. After feeling guilty all day, you call her, and say, "Listen, Im really sorry to have said those things. It was not your fault, and I feel terrible." And you find out she hadnt even thought about it.

After a while, you begin to notice a pattern. HERE is where the worst feeling in the world comes in: The realization that you have absolutely no effect on the person you are supposed to be in a relationship with. It feels like "Wow, this really doesnt mean anything to anyone but me. Man. I guess its obvious Im wasting my time."

I've just ended a short "dating" style relationship with the girl above. It feels like we have broken up, but we never got close enough to even be exclusive, officially.

I guess Im used to the relationships that really get going fast, but I really dont care for these "We arent labeling this, we are just dating" relationships. Who does? Is it really big somewhere in the northeast? Its EXHAUSTING. I spend all of this time wondering what is going on because there is not a closeness between us, and then I realize I shouldnt/cant be wondering about it, because its not even a real relationship to begin with.

Ugh. Well, on to bigger and brighter things. I got a part in Lone Star in the colony, thats exciting. Im starting to feel like a real actor. (Notice I didnt say a real GOOD actor.)