A Letter To A Love
Dear Joan Cusack,
I regret to inform you that you have been replaced as one of my top five people I will marry one day. Its an amicable split, and I wish you well in all your future endeavours.
You should definitely be proud; the list of the people I graduated high school planning to marry is a pretty short one. Jeaneane Garafaolo is still holding her spot, even though the last couple times Ive seen her, she has been playing a drug addict of some sort, and not looking as nice as she usually does. Debbie Gibson still holds her spot as well. As long as she can sing "Lost In Your Eyes", I will love her. Pretty much the same for Tiffany ("If shes got no last name, by god I can give her mine.")
Understand, I dont want you to assume that this is because of any aging you may have done since I graduated. In my eyes, you always have been and always will be the cute, plucky but anxious girl in the neck brace from Sixteen Candles. (Not to say that I always envision you with a neck brace, but surely, after all these years, you can "pick up what Im laying down.")
The question is more one of availability. Ive waited and waited for some sort of sign, in my heart or in the world around me, that we were one step closer to married bliss. I feel that, with your marriage to another, and the motherhood that stems from it, we are instead drifting apart. Plus, I havent seen you in anything since, like, School of Rock. Are you out there? Thinking of me? Probably not.
I cannot stress enough that there are no hard feelings. I still admire you as an actress and a general personality. I further would never want to queer the deal between my friend Victoria, and your equally talented brother John. That's a match made in heaven, and I would hate to think it may be weird at their wedding or the holidays thereafter. Would I want to spend Thanksgiving sitting across the turkey from someone who thought I disliked them? Certainly not.
So, to make a long letter short, I bid you farewell, and hope that you realize all you have meant to me.
I regret to inform you that you have been replaced as one of my top five people I will marry one day. Its an amicable split, and I wish you well in all your future endeavours.
You should definitely be proud; the list of the people I graduated high school planning to marry is a pretty short one. Jeaneane Garafaolo is still holding her spot, even though the last couple times Ive seen her, she has been playing a drug addict of some sort, and not looking as nice as she usually does. Debbie Gibson still holds her spot as well. As long as she can sing "Lost In Your Eyes", I will love her. Pretty much the same for Tiffany ("If shes got no last name, by god I can give her mine.")
Understand, I dont want you to assume that this is because of any aging you may have done since I graduated. In my eyes, you always have been and always will be the cute, plucky but anxious girl in the neck brace from Sixteen Candles. (Not to say that I always envision you with a neck brace, but surely, after all these years, you can "pick up what Im laying down.")
The question is more one of availability. Ive waited and waited for some sort of sign, in my heart or in the world around me, that we were one step closer to married bliss. I feel that, with your marriage to another, and the motherhood that stems from it, we are instead drifting apart. Plus, I havent seen you in anything since, like, School of Rock. Are you out there? Thinking of me? Probably not.
I cannot stress enough that there are no hard feelings. I still admire you as an actress and a general personality. I further would never want to queer the deal between my friend Victoria, and your equally talented brother John. That's a match made in heaven, and I would hate to think it may be weird at their wedding or the holidays thereafter. Would I want to spend Thanksgiving sitting across the turkey from someone who thought I disliked them? Certainly not.
So, to make a long letter short, I bid you farewell, and hope that you realize all you have meant to me.
Cheers!
PS: Please remit the ring I have given you, as Sarah Silverman will be wanting it posthaste, Im sure.
posted by A Local Nutcase at 3:25 PM
1 Comments:
Nice letter. I think you missed her because she has been either uncredited, voice only, or a crappy disney type movie. Except for Friends with Money. Sara Silverman is a good choice. Did you see her on Pamela Anderson's Friar's Roast? She was awesome.
Of course she's dating Jimmey Kimmel.
1) The Last Guy on Earth (2006) (pre-production)
2) The Martian Child (2006) (post-production)
3) Friends with Money (2006) .... Franny
4) "Local Flavor with Joan Cusack" (2006) TV Series .... Host
5) Chicken Little (2005) (voice) .... Abby Mallard
... aka Daks (Philippines: English title)
6) Ice Princess (2005) .... Joan Carlyle
... aka Une princesse sur la glace (Canada: French title)
7) The Last Shot (2004) (uncredited) .... Fanny Nash
8) Raising Helen (2004) .... Jenny Portman
9) "Peep and the Big Wide World" (2004) TV Series (voice) .... Narrator
10) Looney Tunes: Back in Action (2003) .... Mother
... aka Looney Tunes Back in Action: The Movie (USA: DVD box title)
7/06/2006 02:43:00 PM
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