A quick tale of a true Nutcase moment.

So there's this girl who helped on Toad of Toad Hall, back when I was teaching Children's Theatre. She was very sweet, a cute little blonde, and helpful. So she came to the show on Saturday. I saw her, and walked up and said "..................." I had forgotten her name, but not the usual, "Its on the tip of my tongue" thing, I had forgotten it like I had never met her. Whats funny is I remembered a funny story where I had accidentally grabbed her boob when putting my arm around her. So when she said, "You dont remember me, do you?" I said, "OF COURSE! Grabbed your boob, didn't I?"

She was a sweety, and to be perfectly honest, they are nice boobs.

It got me thinking....

In a perfect world, wouldn't guys like me actually be able to get something out of that? As soon as it happens, we are either awkward or horrified, and the girl has a chance to feel violated. So there you are, maybe being accused of something not being an accident (at least, thats how I always feel), and I got NO SATISFACTION at ALL.

These are the thoughts that keep me from getting too far ahead in life.

PS: Her name was Lindsey, which is very ironic, I think. Ill explain it to those of you who want to know.

STRIKE! without picketing.

Well, Ding Dong, the show is over. I guess the only thing left to do now is pack up my dreams, put on my sweater, and head back out into the Mr. Rogers neighborhood that is "Not working on a show." Well, Im tired. Its funny, the director of the show said he was happy to have it be his swan song for a while, because it ended so nicely. I am happy because it will keep me from doing a show for a while.

It WAS a great show (onstage) and very well received. If I had the energy or gumption, I would wish the cast and people who really worked hard on this show a couple more weekends to really fill their cups to the brim. Props to them; you cant argue with success.

However, you can argue with people. Im tired of college students (FROM A CERTAIN COLLEGE); not just theatre students, mind you, but people from that college altogether. I love many many of these kids (not to sound condescending about it, but if you act like you are big shit because you can graduate high school and not drop out of college, you arent quite adult material). I suppose I WAS one of these kids, once upon a time. But.....example:

Yesterday, during strike (which went well, actually) I asked one of my good friends to remove a flat from a frame laying in front of me. She said, "What?" "I said take that flat off that frame!"

She proceeded to say "You mean take that (technical term) off that (technical term)?"

Now, I know I have made the opposite complaint a few blogs ago (about "equity" actors), but isnt there a middle ground? I swear, and you can all quote me on this, the essence of being a cool person, a good friend, and a sexy beast is the ability to find the middle ground. I always feel that any opinion is valuable, as long as its not extreme. (Some extreme opinions are valuable, but I digress.)

Here's my point, people. (I know Im rambling, but welcome to my mind.)

CHILL THE HELL OUT. You can be smart without being condescending to other people, and you can be laid back without being a complete moron. Just because you have higher education, you dont have to lord it over people. But then you also should try your best not to be an overgrown waste of embryo.

Wouldnt it be a better world if people just tried to BE? (I try to just be, at least every once in a while. Chill out, lay back, and let the Divine Comedy entertain me. Its usually times like this when people drive me CRAZY that I have to come out of retirement as a Champion Ranter.)

Anyway, as I said strike went okay. I was very surprised. Not surprised that a couple of girls practically CRIED when I SUGGESTED they do something, but I felt like that was more just to undermine me. They were doing stuff, but if I told them to do it, they weren't interested. Sigh.

But I digress. Good strike (done about 7 or so), good show, good times. More to come.

I was really hoping for lustful.....

....But this kinda makes me seem like an angry fuck. Thats hot!

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Moderate

Take the Dante's" Inferno Hell Test

AGH

I just got a call from an illustrious faculty member. She brought me a problem in which it turned out I had messed up on a students cover letter. Oh Well, happens right?

So, to explain this problem, she felt she had to basically read me this student's curriculum vitae. "She got her bs from here, with this gpa, she got her ma from here, with this gpa" on and on. So, I ask, where was her post grad work from? She then repeats the entire thing. About halfway through, she was talking about the gpa in the masters section, and I was thinking "STOP! I heard you! Just answer my damn question and maybe we can get done today!"

By the way.

If I hear one more fricking person throw it in my face they are equity, I am going to take a big dump in the effing backpack they carry around to be cute.

I am right now working with two actors who are equity, and had no idea what a cyc was. As they walk by they give a big old SLAP to the "big sheet hanging on the back wall".

The Big Whinery

When you are truly getting burnt out on whatever it is you are doing, it does not just feel like you are tired, or cranky. This weekend marked the (literally) 10th show I have worked\acted in a row, starting in April of 2003.

I have reached the level of being at odds with all things. I can say with full honesty that right now I have problems at home, with my lady, with a few of my friends, with work, and with the show itself (don't get me wrong, the show itself is terrific. Its the backstage that is driving me.....)

I cant finish that thought, because if I didnt get a break this week, and a full respite for the next few months, I dont really know what would happen. I know yesterday, after a few more needles under my nails from various cast members (all college kids, surprisingly (not really), 99.9% girls) I told my fellow stage manager I didnt think I could handle it. Not that I would ever dream of walking away or anything, but I told her if any of the following cast members walk towards me, I might break down and curl into a fetal position (I wont include the list here, but lets just say they have sex for money in the show.) Allow me to include the transcript of a conversation I had with an actor on Saturday night.

Actor: Is the door to the stage-left entrance open?
Me: Uh, I cant see it, Im not sure. Probably not.
Actor: But the director wants me to enter from there....
Me: ............Can you open the door?
Actor: But it doesn't open out!
Me: ..........................
..........................
Can you open it in? Im not sure what you're asking.
Actor: (sighs and storms off)

This is a great illustration of the not-exact anger, but general bizarre and confusing feeling that has filled me to the brim.

Once again, I really have to say that there are some great, funny actors in this thing. The leads are all wonderful, and have great attitiudes, so far as they deal with me. This is definitely not the first show where the non-principles have more attititude than the principles, but I think its taking the lead as one of the greats.

But, again, it is not the shows fault that I am getting tired of doing what I love most. I dont have any regrets in my life, not one. I would not give away a show Ive worked on for all the mexican food in a chinese porn store. But Its my own fault I feel this way. Oh well.

Come see the show, there's nearly naked chicks, VERY funny situations, and terrific Co-stage management.

Oh, by the way

Check out Beth's blog! www.thefarplane.blogspot.com

Back in my high school saddle

So yesterday, I got an email from my long lost best friend from High school.....I'll call her Beth, because that is her name. I read the name in the mail, and was immediately screaming, jumping-up-and-down, going-crazy happy. Beth and I met our sophomore year at the homecoming dance (the theme was HAWAII!!). We were standing in a big group, laughing and talking, and I kept noticing this ONE person kept getting ALL of my jokes, and references. When we both broke into Melikelikimaka, I knew I was crazy about her. We talked for about 24 hours straight that weekend. (I remember her calling and seeing what was up, and me telling her I was sitting down to a big tub of cookie dough, purchased from the Band.)

Beth and I were pretty inseparable after that. We passed notes in the hall (always folded in strange ways, as to be artful), talked on the phone nightly to semi nightly, hung out, went places, complained about our families and horrible relationships, gave each other shit about our foibles, and generally loved each other all through High School. She became a mainstay at my house (at least in conversation) and I became one at hers (literally, I was there a whole lot).We stayed friends every day, just about, and gave each other hugs just about as much (except for the horrible terrible senior year, where my only problem was my relationships with people who were alive).

Its so cool. I missed her, and she missed me, and now I have one of my best friends in life back.

(In case you guys are worried about how Kylie might feel about this, Beth is now married with one child. Her husband is ALSO a good friend from school.)

Yay me!

JEEZUM 

UGH! Purple! 

(lovely sigh)

I feel very happy today. Perhaps its because its a slow day at work. Perhaps its because I get to be an ass to people at the show tonight for not being in place on time. Perhaps its because I got an email from a friend I havent heard from in years (one of the ones you really miss). Maybe its because I feel good, really happy, while at work, rarely, and I feel even better BECAUSE I feel good.

All the same, couple things have been on my mind.

The picture above is of the worst costume I ever had to wear. It wasnt that uncomfortable, but I still get made fun of for it. Blast it to hell, says I!

I hate it when you cant remember if you took your vitamins or not. I go back and forth over whether or not I should just take more (its not like they're 'ludes or anything) or avoid possible vitamin OD (which does occur, I hear. Kylie could explain more.) Actually, since I dont know much about vitamin OD, that leaves me to use my imagination on what may happen, which, believe me, makes it worse.

People who still point out the fact that leather, meat, and fur once belonged to an animal should be labeled unemployable.

I listen to things like Loveline a lot, a radio show where they cant swear, so they use the first letter of a swear word instead. As in, "that effing cee-ring is cutting off the blood to my a-hole." Try it out! It works well in certain situations.

Well, Im kinda tired. So I think I'll sit back, relax, and let the day wind to a close. Oh, and work. Sure.

Finally!

In'>http://members.rogers.com/lim.jennifer/dark.jpg">
In your eyes, people can't seem to see anything
because your eyes are covered up by tears! You
are constantly hurt and depressed... No one
seems to understand how you feel because
everyone is scared to get close to you... You
long to be able to reach out and tell someone
everything, and all of your problems... But you
have no one to tell, or they just don't seem to
want to hear what you have to say. You've been
hurt many times that you don't seem to have any
tears left to shed, or if you do, they're an
endless river flowing... You've started to hide
and bottle up all or your problems and
feelings, hoping that maybe they just will go
away... You want company, but at the same time,
you're scared of it. Your sanctuary is your
room where you can just be alone and try to
throw away all of your aching pains. You're
dark and mysterious and people like you for
that reason. Even if you think you're all by
yourself in the dark, someone is always there
with you. Your special someone wants to admit
and show their feelings towards you, but
they're afraid of how you'll take it. Get out
more and enjoy life because, it is far too long
to frown your way through :)

What Lies Behind Your Eyes? (With Pics, See All Results!)
brought to you by

Also!

You scored as Normal, Boring and Gay. Its not bad that you are this way, but couldn’t you do a little bit more with your hair? Perhaps maybe zush your shirt? The only thing that makes you interesting is you like men, but even then… do you really? Normal, Boring and Gay 45% An AberHollisterAE Gay or Fratmo 35% A MetroHomoSexual 30% A Closet Case 25% A Jock 15% What Kind of Gay Man Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

Hmmm. I guess I really am boring. I think I have maybe five outfits, and two pairs of shoes I EVER wear. (I DO have more pairs of underwear and socks than I do anything else.) I wish I could afford more, but the clothes I go out and buy always replace something I never wear again in regular rotation. Drives my lady crazy, I can tell you.

I finally did this

You scored as Mindfuck. Congratulations, you scored Mindfuck. You've probably seen a lot of movies, and have grown to hate mainstream shit. You're looking for the movie that will leave you breathless, and with 21 questions to think about. Check out: Donnie Darko, Being John Malkovich, Pulp Fiction, Memento. Mindfuck 80% Sadistic Humour 70% Sci-Fi/Fantasy 65% Artistic 55% Romantic Comedy 50% Drama/Suspense 40% Mindless Action Flick 30% Movie Recommendation. created with QuizFarm.com

And I must say Im not all surprised with my results. I just saw Garden State, and that is MY KIND OF MOVIE. Not really a mindfuck though.

Congratulations to everybody anyway for having Mindless, Action Flick at the bottom of their lists.

I wish I were Clive Owen

Have you people seen this dude? He may-MAY- be my new non-sexual crush. I first saw him in The Bourne Identity playing the thoughtful and articulate hitman who actually doesnt say a full page of dialogue. Then came King Arthur, which I didnt see, but recognized as "Hey! Thats that dude!" Then I happened to find out Mr. Owen was going to be in Sin City, and I saw the "The Hire" films at www.BMW.com . I am now crazy about this dude. He's as good looking as I want to be, just kinda every-mannish, but with an elegant style. (Hence, the beamer.) He also does very intelligent movies.

I just saw I'll Sleep When Im Dead, a film about an ex-gangster whos returns to London to find his brother, only to find he has been killed. While this is about 97% of all films today, it was still cool. Throughout the film, everyone is talking about his character, how is he is a bad ass, but changed. Or how he is still a badass. Lots and lots of talk. The end-all, be-all scene comes after Mr Owen has said maybe three lines of dialogue throughout the entire movie, and someone tells him "Hey, it makes no difference WHY your brother killed himself."

Clive Owen, with his steely blue eyes wide, says, very quietly: "Oh yes, it fucking DOES matter."

It was cool! Clive Owen is the type of guy where you wouldnt be surprised if he wrote a book tomorrow. I mean a real book, a novel, a boring one, that got rave reviews and maybe a Book Award.

I wish I were good looking, but quiet; elegant, but still at home in a Guy Ritchie film; with lots of money, but still beats people up. This kinda guy makes me wish I werent the charming funny fat guy. Sometimes I wish I were the guy that was cool, and also HAPPENED TO BE charming and funny. He has a darkness to him.....I have spongebob underwear.

Anyhow, Check him out. He rocks.

Ugh

Ugh, I hate having fights in the middle of a weekend, and then it ruins the whole weekend. I had a good time with my lady this weekend, but a big fight saturday night (INCLUDING NAME CALLING!) kinda made the rest a bit tender. I miss my girl.

So, on with the serious topics....

Not to be negative

but I have a story.

I was at Wal-mart last night with my lovely non-wife, and I got a new cd. (Jet, Get Born.) So I take the lady home, then on my way to my house I open the cd to realize it is damaged in a way where it will never work. So I take it back to wal-mart, even though I have a two hour drive ahead of me and it is already 10 'o' clock. So, I get into wal-mart, and are immediately given the greatest amount of shit by a woman who works there (and has low-level hygiene standards). I finally get her to get off her ass and help me, and as Im leaving I realize that she is not very attractive, and probably doesnt have that much going for her (I mean, she's in her 30s and working at Wal-mart). I feel sorry for her, and vow to be nicer to people like that. As Im walking away, the detector beeps as Im going through the door. The door security lady comes over, and asks if there is anything I have not paid for. The lady who has JUST HELPED ME, and failed to scan the cd thing that makes it beep, comes over and asks me "what my problem is now", in a very annoyed tone. I was immediately reminded of a song I used to listen to. The following is a transcript of the lyrics, my dedication to the lovely woman at the Terrell wal-mart:

I hope you flip some guy the bird
he cuts you off and you're forced to swerve
in front of a beatles tour bus, a bookmobile, and a mack truck
hauling hazardous biological waste
the light turns red, you have no brakes
and hard copy gets it all on tape
so you can see the look on your face

I hope your pinto begins to spin, takes out a disabled vietnam veteran
mows down a nobel peace prize winner and maybe some orphans having christmas dinner
perhaps even the british royal family,
and the rabbi thats clutching the bottle-fed puppy
and we cant forget the newlyweds and those Jerry's kids are as good as dead

I hope this helps to emphasize
I hope this helps to clarify
I hope you die

I hope your cellmate thinks hes god but CNN refers to him as "Bowling Ball Bag Bob"
serving time again for Abuse of the Corpse
only this time the victims a pie-tailed horse
while he masturbates to photos of livestock
he does the Silence of the Lambs dance to christian rock
eats feces and quotes from Deliverance
and fights with his imaginary playmate Vince

I hope he grins like Jack Nicholson
and forces you to play a game called "Balls-on-chin"
and whatever happens next is all a blur
but you remember "Fist" can be a verb
and when you finally regain consciousness, you're bound and gagged, in a wedding dress
and the prison guard looks the other way
cause hes the guy you flipped the bird the other day

I hope this helps to emphasize
I hope this helps to clarify
I hope you die

Couple things

Ok, so Mom sent me a survey that she had filled out. I was immediately uneasy. So many surveys leap into sexuality, and I was not ready. I got as far as one question asking "Do you like Cookies?" She had written "Oooh, yeah, mmmmm" and I think I barfed. I literally had to stop reading. I know she didnt mean it like that; I think its my problem. So many of the hot girls I blog with and complete surveys with take a sexual tone with things. When THEY do it, I think its funny and sexy in that friend-of-the-opposite-sex way. When my mom does it, I feel the burden of therapy bills going up yet again.

On a similar topic, I notice a few of my friends have filled out the same survey I have recently, about Sex. One question is, "Where do you like to be kissed?" After reading all of their coy responses ("I cant say!""Wouldnt you like to know!"), I really want to go back and answer "My HUGE THROBBING COCK! TASTE MY BABY BATTER, BITCHES!"

Probably only for the shock value, though.