My fave 

BAZING 

WRONG 

LOL 

Nice 

A few Bad Toy Tie Ins. 

Enough Whining And Complaining......HAHA

So, its Memorial Day, where are you? I'M at work. Yippee Skippee. Bitches.

But what do I have to complain about? Apparently, The lovely character actress Julie Harris of such films as The Dark Half, The Haunting, and Tarzan and the Perils of Charity Jones finally got around to reading and commenting on my blog. Its about time, you tony award winning actress, you!

(For the REAL Julie, Im just joshing. I know you're really Julia Roberts. Welcome to the blog-unity. (I just made that up.))

Otherwise, things is kinda strange on the old homefront. Couple of different irons being in the fire, couple different big things on the horizon. In what seems like an attempt to race everyone else, I have seriously begun thinking about maybe leaving the state for a year or two. It's strange, the way I use to think of something like this as something I could never do. I was perfectly prepared to live in Grover's Corners well until after I was dead. Then, some good friends pointed out, "Hey, you know you can do it if you just do it." Well, there are epiphanies and there are epiphanies(!). This was one of the latter. I had never really thought about it as something I could actually DO, and now that I have, it seems like the perfect time in my life for it. While I got nothing and nobody, except of course for my wonderful friends. So there's that.

Meanwhile, there's my romantic life (or lack therof! BAZING!) to think of. I know a few of you guys may be in the dark about what happened with the lovely Nicky. Sorry to leave you on a cliffhanger. Lets just say, things took a downturn, because of stuff we both did. Let it not be said I'm a stupid asshole, because I said it enough for everybody last week. Oh well.

Im going to go smoke, and then try and track down when I have to pick up the Fedoras at the airport. I'll leave you with a few thoughts.

*If a Bachelor of Science in Nursing is a BSN, then a Bachelor of Arts in Drama is a BAD. (there is also a BM to consider.)

*Remember the first time you thought a song personified your problems at that exact time, and spoke to your heart? Remember when the songs stopped being real classics and started being Todd Rundgren? I do.

*I love Sugar Ray.

*How can someone take 119 hours AFTER their degree and NOT TAKE ONE GRAD CLASS. They arent in a second Bachelors Program, I promise.

O-Face

Man, if only ALL girls looked this pretty. Id never have to worry about the embarassment of buying condoms again. 

Alone again (naturally)

Whatever. Im not as downtrodden as my title makes it seem. Perhaps Im happy its friday. Perhaps Im excited to finally be getting to eat E3 and Catpants's cats, since Ive hated them forever. Perhaps its just cause Im alive, and not as poor as some, and I know Im pretty cool, deep down. All these short relationships and break ups seem ok when I realize I have a bunch of wonderful friends who love me, and that the world is not such a bad place after all.

Wish the A/C was working, though.

Blah

Ah, a reference code to my life right now. (Brought by the Offspring)

She's Got Issues

I‘m seeing this girl and she just might be out of her mind
Well she‘s got baggage and it‘s all the emotional kind
She talks about closure and that validation bit
I don‘t mean to be insensitive, but I really hate that shit
Oh man she‘s got issues
And I‘m gonna pay
She thinks she‘s the victim
Yeah

Now I know she‘ll feel abandoned
If I don‘t stay over late
And I know she‘s afraid to commit
But it‘s only our second date
Oh man she‘s got issues
And I‘m gonna pay
She thinks she‘s the victim
But she takes it all out on me

I don‘t know why you‘re messed up
I don‘t know why your whole life is a chore
Just do me a favor
And check your baggage at the door

Now she talks about her ex nonstop, but I don‘t mind
But when she calls out his name in bed
That‘s where I draw the line
You told me a hundred times how your father left and he‘s gone
But I wish you wouldn‘t call me daddy
When we‘re gettin‘ it on

Oh man she‘s got issuesAnd I‘m gonna pay
She‘s playing the victim
And taking it all out on me
If you think I‘m controlling
Then why do you follow me around
If you‘re not co-dependent
Then why do you let others drag you down
I don‘t know why you‘re messed up
I don‘t know why your whole life is a chore
Just do me a favor
And check your baggage at the door

On the plus side, Life is good.

Ah, Frecklehead. Ours is a fleeting romance, always too quick to be sure it was there. I respect you for life, and will never tell anyone of the HUGE crush you had (have?) on me, and the drunken phone calls at 3 in the morning begging for my affection. Seriously, though, love you.

01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what reminds me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, it would be...
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
07. Put this in your journal.Here's what he said about me:

And here's what Frecklehead said:

A LOCAL NUTCASE:
01. Makes me laugh harder than anyone!
02. Crazy, random comments that shock and entertain
03. 11:00pm because that's when the Loophole festivities usually start
04. Intelligent Humor
05. Lately it would be Action and Consuela's wedding when you danced with me. :)
06. Why it is that girls aren't falling all over themselves to be with a guy who treats them like queens. It is beyond me.

Actually, Nicky said to me the other day the reason she likes me as much as she does is that I treat her like gold. Ain't that the way its sposeda be?

But, enough about me being anything but mediocre. I COMMAND YOU ALL TO GO WATCH THE NEWEST BATMAN BEGINS TRAILER.

Stupid Mandatory Company Party.....grumble grumble....

Ah, the sweet sensation of going into a gas station and buying condoms from a young man looking kind of like the bassist from flock of seagulls. "If you don't mention the fact that these are fruit flavored, I won't say anything about that dreadful blue eyeshadow." OutRAGEOUS!

I'm very happy to say I had a cool guy moment last night. Catpants sent me a text message last night that said, "I'm at Star Wars and you're not!" Having gotten this message mid-coitus, I felt very much not-the-nerd.

So, today we have a mandatory party on !THE 16th FLOOR!, apparently for no reason. It reminds me very much of Office Space, when Gary Cole's character says, "Everybody remember that Friday is Hawaiian shirt day......so you can go ahead and......wear a Hawaiian shirt...if you want to." Today actually IS hawaiian shirt day at my office. Not to sound complainy, I love my job and my coworkers (HA!), but I have to admit, Id rather have a holiday than have a "party".

Is there booze? Are there any of my friends? How is THIS a party?

Ah, the dry spell is over. Free at last...

Well, I had an amazing weekend.

Friday, I went and finally met a "Yahoo friend" of mine who had moved into town last week from Georgia. She is a sweet, adorable girl named Nicky, who told me in one of our first conversations to "Kiss her ass". I use this as a water-mark of sorts, because, as a smart-ass, you find its best to date girls who not only think your funny, but can keep up.

We met at a Starbucks, and immediately walked to a Bennigans. (They dont have Bennigans in Georgia! But, I found out THEY have a restaurant called Longhorn's, which, ironically, TEXAS does not have. It was funny because Nicky had worked at Longhorn's, but had no idea what one was.) We had a few drinks (she was imminently impressed when I was cut off after having four Jack and Cokes in a one hour period), and spent the rest of the evening walking around at Stonebriar (not actually Stonebriar, but the shopping center surrounding it). At one point, the Rangers farm team game ended, and we sat on a bench and watched fireworks. Needless to say, I stole a few kisses that night. And I didn't get home until 4 am.

Saturday, as Im sure you ALL know, was the night of Consuela and Action's wedding. The service was BEAUTIFUL, the reception was the funnest party Ive been to in YEARS, and the lovely Nicky saw fit to join me for both. She met my ma, and mom seemed to like her (or so she said several times). Nicky, by the way, was ENCHANTED by all of my friends, and told me I had "the best friends in the world." I didnt tell her I had let her meet most of the good ones only. Other things occurred saturday, but a gentleman never tells.

Leave it to say, I have a new girlfriend, I think. (Only because we talked it over, and she claims I wont be able to get rid of her now. And we are calling each other by the lovely labels of Boyfriend and Girlfriend.) I now am seeing her tonight for dinner.

I am so excited.:)

I am now officially a woman

Ah, the silence of the last day of exams. I fancied I could almost see tumbleweeds tumbling along the streets of the empty campus. Well, empty except for we staff.

So, last night Catpants and I went out to Ye Olde Vistae Ridge(e) and picked her out a dress for Consuela and Action's wedding. I'm not too sure how I got involved with that, but I can honestly say I was excited going into it, and very pleased when she found something cute that she liked, I liked, her hubby liked, and didn't cost a pretty penny. I told a friend that I secretly wanted to dress everyone. Is this true? Not really. But I DO believe shopping is more fun with a friend, especially if they help you to try on things you wouldnt normally try on. As a guy, I always find that I am happily surprised by wearing things I would never normally wear. I stick to pretty normal colors and styles, but every once in a while, its really refreshing to try on a flashy pink or a different style. Now that I have been Catpants' Liason of the Clothes, I can build my rep as a style guru. (Although, I have to admit, now that I've dressed her cute-like, next time we go shopping, I will only point out very slutty, sexy things. I have to earn the admiration of her hubby, after all.)

On a slightly down note, my baby, my lovely little puppy, came in limping this morning. I checked her tiny paw, and could see nothing wrong. Now, she's already blind, a little deaf, and 8 or 9 years old. Im very worried that if she gets another problem we will have entered "Put her down" country. Cross your fingers, everybody. Maybe this will just go away.

Aw yeah 

Nicotine no good for Cledus's Baby? 

The newest addition to our home and family. Bring on the booze! 

A healthy fable for your consumption

So, my coworker Andrea speaks of her neighbors on occasion; she doesn't live in the best part of town, and so their exploits are always good for a larf.

She told me today of her upstairs neighbors. The girl has her bed placed directly against the same wall Andrea has HER bed placed against, so of course Andrea can hear every nocturnal carnal activity that goes on. Andrea says its funny, because the girls boyfriend has horrible rhythm.

squeaksqueaksqueaksqueak!SQUEAK!SQUEAK! Snore.

She says it literally lasts five minutes. Andrea's baby's daddy was heard to remark, "God, poor son of a bitch." This is saying something.

I guess the moral to this story is, if you're not getting laid, no one can disprove that you are the world's greatest lover. I myself, while being amazingly sexually frustrated, am using this oppurtunity to build up an amazing and virile reputation. Then, once I finally get laid again, if Im a huge disappointment, who cares? I just got laid.

Did I just say that out loud?

"WAH WAH WAH! Gonna CRY, BABY!?!?"

Ok, you know what I love? When you accidentally ping your door against someone's car, not enough to leave a scratch, but enough to make a sound. I love it better if they are sitting IN the car at the time. I love it even more if you accidentally do it again, again not leaving a scratch, but making a sound, and the other person looks at you with such hatred, and mouths the words OH MY GOD! Now, the ultimate end all be all lovefest of this situation, is when the other car has a million other non-related dings and scratches on it.

I know its not me, but if it WERE my car, I would shrug and say, "It's alright, dude. You obviously didn't mean to do that. It's actually funny that its one of those situations where you are embarrassed, and then immediately do the same thing again. S'ok. Chill out, bra."

But no. Oh MY GOD! If you put the 60,000,000,000th ding in my car, I will be PISSED!

On with Chris's Lovelife

So, for those of you who are wondering about my NEW GIRL, you can quit wondering. I will say this much: I like it when girls can wait a whole two days before bringing out the BIG WEIRDNESS. Apparently, the girl I dated (a whole three times) really wanted to challenge herself to chase me away. And this is saying something, considering how much I follow the "You're No Prize" school of dating. Oh well.

So, aside from strange dating bizarrity, and other cockamamie friend things (E3 knows what Im talking about), this weekend was quite lovely. I got to spend a couple days with Mom, both shopping, and watching movies. Its so nice to have a good day with her every once in a while, to really remind me why I love her, and why she is worth making time for. We'll be married in no time. (Kidding.)

One of the things we purchased on Saturday was a nice wooden bar from World Market. So, be prepared, loyal blog fans! A booze party may be occurring soon! And not just the normal one that follows me around!

Things That Apply to Me.
The idea is that you bold all of the things that apply to you.

1. I miss someone right now.
2. I don't watch much TV these days.
3. I love olives.
4. I love sleeping.
5. I own lots of books.
6. I wear glasses or contact lenses.
7. I love to play video games.
8. I have tried marijuana.
9. I have watched porn films
10. I have been in a threesome.
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
13. I have acne-free skin.
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton.
15. I curse frequently. It’s a horribly bad habit. "Dont fucking cuss, cause that shit aint cool."
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
17. I have a hobby.
18. I love clothes, accessories and getting my hair done
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
20. I'm really, really smart.
21. I've never broken someone's bones.
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
23. I hate the rain.
24. I'm paranoid at times.
25. I own a 90's pop CD.
26. I need money right now
27. I love sushi.
28. I talk really, really fast sometimes.
29. I have fresh breath in the morning.
30. I have semi-long hair.
31. I still love my ex.
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister.
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis.
35. I have a twin.
36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look sometimes.
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
40. I have brown eyes.
41. I am usually pessimistic.
42. I have a lot of mood swings.
43. I think prostitution should be legalized.
44. I think Britney Spears is hot.
45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past.
46. I have a hidden talent.
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I've had.
48. I think that I'm popular.
49. I am currently single.
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex.
51. I enjoy talking on the phone.
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants
53. I love to shop.
54. I would rather shop than eat.
55. I would classify myself as ghetto.
56. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
57. I'm obsessed with my online journal
58. I don't hate anyone.
59. I'm a pretty good dancer.
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
62. I have a cell phone.
63. I believe in God.
64. I watch MTV/Vh1 on a daily basis.
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
66. I love drama.
67. I have never been in a real romantic relationship before.
69. I currently have a crush on someone.
71. I want to have children in the future.
72. I have changed a diaper before.
73. I've called the cops on a friend before.
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
76. I'm not allergic to anything.
77. I have a lot to learn.
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger.
79. I plan on seeing an ex-boy/girlfriend within the next day at school.
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex sometimes.
81. I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before.
84. I believe marijuana should be legalized.
85. I own the South Park movie.
86. I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Blogger.
87. When I was a kid I played "The Birds and the Bees" with a neighbor or chum. What the hell does this mean?
88. I enjoy some country music.
89. I want to beat Britney Spears with a rock for over an hour.
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story."
96. I have heard of Slick Rick’s “Children’s Story.”
97. Halloween is awesome.
98. I watch Spongebob Squarepants, and I like it.
99. I have dated a close friend's ex.
100. I'm happy as of this moment.
101. I was born in the 80s but I am truly a child of the 90s.
102. I haven't showered in two days... and I like it.
103. Japan is freakin’ awesome.
104. I'm obsessed with getting manicures/pedicures.
105. I want to visit Italy either for the first time or again...
106. I'm one of those types who is easily amused; the stupidest of things can make me laugh.
107. I have cried in the last week.
108. I have flirted with someone I didn't like just to get something out of it.
109. I like at least three British Comedy television shows.
110. I have lived in one place for more than 10 years.
111. I have overslept and missed class.
112. I have been on TV.
113. I listen to music no matter what I'm doing.
114. I yell at the TV when I watch sports.
115. I miss being homeless.
116. I have been to the funeral of a close friend and/or relative.
117. I was in a situation where I almost died.
118. I think that Burger King has the best fast food.
119. I want to become a novelist.
120. I have dyed hair.
121. I cry about pointless things very often.
122. I love taking bubble baths.
123. Second place doesn't mean you're a winner.
124. I have a SERIOUS procrastination problem.
125. I have translated in French to another employee.
126. I sometimes forget where I live.
127. I want to go home.
128. I am ready to forget about certain people.
129. I love to run.
130. I'm a chick guitarist.
131. I’m a chick pianist.
132. I want to join the Peace Corps.
133. I don’t want to grow up.
134. I am obsessed with WB dramas.
135. I have left my time zone.
136. To die would be a great adventure.

My brilliant friends

So, today (or yesterday) in Austin a bill was approved by congress that would ban sexuality in Texas school cheerleading routines.

My lovely (and brilliant) friend Mary had this to say:

"I guess the greatest threat to america, stemming from
texas, is the possible spread of sexy
cheerleaders...i'm glad we've put the kibosh on that
one...we have found the weapon of mass destruction."

Ah, to have friends that make you think is the stuff of life.

That, and sex.

Found this on "Share A Secret Blog". Strange how someone can describe you so perfectly when they don't know you. 

Hey, I got a match! You face and .....

So I have not one, but two pairs of pants with holes in the ass. One pair is my khakis, which I wear daily to work, and the hole looks like it was cut when I sat on something sharp (keep your jokes to the stage, ya rubes). The other is my oldest, most comfortable pair of jeans, and THAT hole is on the seam. I looked at it last night, and asked, "Am I fat?" "My jeans said no. They also requested that I not eat mexican food daily, for their own personal comfort.

But so, today I wear black dress pants, my black retro shirt, black socks, black sneaks (van knockoffs)and black soul.

I only say my soul is black because its early, Im tired, and its dreary outside, so the only good thing to do would be go back to bed. Eventually, I will tire of this feeling and throw myself from my window. Or get coffee. What? Decaff!?!

...

Oh, so had a date this weekend. Not sure yet if anything will come of this. Wish me luck.

...

Has everyone heard Kings of Leon yet? DO!