I am not a registered voter.
I did one register at one time, and I voted in the election for Al Gore against Bush, but I have not registered since. Not because I am against voting, or even because I think one vote doesnt count (on the contrary, I think if we are to save this country, it will be by numbers, and each person makes part of a whole). Mostly, I don't register because I am lazy. In truth, I can barely get anything I HAVE to get done done, so things like registering to vote, stopping for pedestrians, and actually cleaning any part of the house sometimes seem like way more than I can possibly accomplish in a given day.
As a non-voter, I always rationalized myself as something of a critic. As such, it let me feel better about not doing anything. "I'm not out to change the world," I would think. "I still don't know enough to do anything but rant." Its because of this BS that I kinda avoid making huge arguments about bills that are up for the vote. As full of shit as I am, I dont want to be seen as TOTALLY full of shit.
This Prop. 2 thing is a little different. I dont mean to say that I am not full of shit anymore, but I know a bit about Prop. 2, and the people it affects. I'm not going to go into ALL of the rammifications it has (which, if you take a look and learn a little, it affects a LOT of people in a LOT of different ways). I'm just going to talk abouthow it affects me, as any normal selfish non-voter would.
My father, as most of you know, is a homosexual. My dad and I don't get along too well, but he's a good guy. I remember him nervously coming out to me. Take the time to imagine this:
I'm only fifteen, my body is taking me on a rollercoaster or oily skin and hair, and the thing I most worry about is some girl calling me fat. Imagine how much it changes you to have to deal with a parent who is going against everything he and I have been taught by our family and religion. Remember, also, that I didnt have an easy life. My parents had split up when I was 4, and my mom had dated a borderline abusive man for 7 years at that point. Dad had been in and out of relationships, and I, stuck in the middle, had a huge inferiority complex and a nice healthy case of clinical depression.
I know my dad thought of this a lot. I think he was very prepared to accept my resignation as his son. Or, to go on pretending to be straight just to keep me. When I told him that I already knew, and that he was still my dad, he wept. And this was MY dad, the truck driver, who I didnt get along with because he was a hard case. Weeping. It changes you, the sight of something like this.
His boyfriend, Troy, became my stepmother. He is very funny, and so sweet and maternal that Ive wondered who his SuperMom role models must be. We had fun, all of us. We were all guys, so we tended to be messy, but we would joke with each other, and all go on little outings, and spend time together as people should, like the every-other weekend I had with them was not enough. I think its funny that my Mom (who many of you know to be the sweetest lady ever) and her boyfriend and I never ALL got along, and my dad and his boyfriend and I were a family. Over the years, Dad and I grew apart because of the stupid ways that men do. (I think when a man turns twenty, he either has to find a new respect for his father, or stop getting along altogether, or both.)
My father has worked hard on himself, battled through his own preconceptions of sin and the unnatural, fought hard through the predjudices of his family and friends and coworkers and everyone in the goddamned state. He finally found a place where he can be happy with himself. Its so easy for some people (me included) to just assume everyone else has it as easy as we do to be happy at all. I mean, I hate a lot of things about myself, but I can forget a lot of those on a good day or night or five minutes. Can you imagine not being able to feel natural at any point in your life? My dad could. He's happy now, and Im prouder of him than anything I have done thus far in my life.
So, understand, it sticks a bit in my craw when his rights are taken away from him. If Prop 2 passes, he and my stepmother will not be able to get married. I love my family, as much as I dont spend time with them. Why dont I, or my father, or Troy, deserve to have a family? We're all going to Hell, I spose some would say. I know most of you can imagine my sheer FRUSTRATION. We cant have a family because a group of people say so. Why? "Cause." No, really, why? "Cause. Jesus told us not to let you."
Ah, I remember Jesus when he came to talk to our campus (we got history credit for going to see him at the Union). Yeah, that Jesus was a big supporter of love, and of family, and treat others as you want to be treated, but then a dude wore pink in the third row, and Jesus pelted him with cattle hearts and damned him a bit. Or, maybe I remember it differently. What I learned about Jesus is that we should treat EVERYONE as we want to be treated, and I seem to remember someone saying that god's gift is a gift of love, not the gift of knowing who to hate.
And it IS hate. Talk all you want about being gay friendly, but I gotta tell ya, if Im friends with Catpants and Dr Dexter, and then I say they cant have the same rights all of us do, that wouldnt be very friendly, would it?
This whole issue reminds me of the black civil rights issues. "Blacks can go to the same schools as us, sure. They can ride on the same busses, no prob. They can even go on tv. But, they have to drink from these water fountains, they have to ride in the back, and they can only be shown in peon roles or in musical acts. I mean, sure, they're people, but lets be CIVILIZED here."
I guess Ive rambled on long enough. But I will say one more thing.
I love my father. I love his partner. I love all of my gay friends (except the assholes). If they cannot have the same rights as me, I am slighted as well. I can tell you now that if Prop 2 passes, the chances of me returning to this state after Seattle go down to zero. If my friends cannot have their rights here, then I will not either.
