All over, people are suffering, persevering, and making their dreams come true. Somewhere in the universe, The Local Nutcase is reconsidering what his blog stands for. Where is the beer?

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Coming Attractions












On this, the last day of November, I will say that my birthday month begins tomorrow. Let the sexual favors begin.

Until I can pick up some condoms (I was planning on borrowing Dr Dexter's stolen ones), I am excited and delighted to say that I will be wassailing on Thursday. Bring on Christmas!

Note: Because of a buncha factors, it looks like me and a couple other friends will not have presents this year. Time for us to remember the true meaning of Christmas, Linus-style.

Further Note: I will actually blog soon. I know I haven't been a wealth of information or humor lately; I'll fix that.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Musing on Monkeys


King Kong komes out next month. It looks SUPER COOL, and I have always been a fan of the Konger, so I am excited. But, I have to ask...

If they find an island with many mysterious creatures, including giant apes and dinosaurs, wouldn't you think they would bring back the dinosaurs? I mean, apes? We HAVE those.

Just something I was thinking about.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Let the merriment begin. (Emphasis on the GIN)



Ah, time again for the office thanksgiving potluck. Not to be confused with the monthly birthday potluck, or the halloween potluck, or the St. Fuckin' Patrick's Day potluck (What is these people's obsession with bringing food? Have you no lives!?) A time of year when its colder outside, its a bit more relaxed at work, and I'm a bit more crazy for the alkyhol.

I like thanksgiving, inasmuchas it is cold, and an actual holiday that we get off, but still, its never been a favorite holiday of mine. Mostly its the stereotypical sitcom holiday at my house, with Mom crazily making food and making sure everyone (sometimes just me) is taken care of, and me sitting/sleeping/smoking/watching Charlie Brown.

I suppose I have a lot to be thankful for this year, but dammit, this year has still sucked. Im excited about Thanksgiving, because it means a new year is around the corner.

Plus, pie-flavored soda and coffee. Tasty.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Insane with the Innuendo



















Ah, there's nothing quite like becoming terribly horny at work (There's nothing you can do about it there! HA!), for no other reason than you saw a girl doing something slightly suggestive, like licking a lollipop while wearing revealing lingerie. FUN!

On that same note, I command you all to listen to the new Bloodhound Gang single, Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo. Bloodhound Gang is way better than YOUR band.

Vulcanize the whoopee stick
In the ham wallet
Cattle prod the oyster ditch
With the lap rocket
Batter dip the cranny ax
In the gut locker
Retrofit the pudding hatch
Ooh la la
With the boink swatter

If i get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then
In lieu of the innuendo, in the end know my intent, though
I brazillian wax poetic so pathetically
I don't wanna beat around the bush
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo



So, by now the news is out to everyone about the late Eric Bailey. I feel kind of grounded to this story, because I was present (not in the room, but present) when the announcement was made to the cast and crew of Inherit the Wind. I witnessed the some of the first crying, some of the first shock.

I didn't know Eric Bailey. I had heard tell of him, sure, but we had never actually gotten chance to cross paths. These are the times that I am reminded that you dont have to be friends with somebody to be affected by their death. I always feel kind of strange when a theatre community person dies. Always shocked at the fact that I will never work with them, or that they wont be tirelessly auditioning or directing come the next season. Just the insanity of death is always hard for me to get over, having not been absolutely surrounded by death in my later years. (I lost grandparents, sure, but before I was old enough to really take in what that meant.)

Its one thing to know someone who loses a friend, but we theatre people are an extended family ourselves. I dont have to work with someone or even know them to feel the loss of a dedicated fellow dramatist.

Am I making enough sense here? I feel like....This sounds really shallow, but I feel like I should be going around and telling everyone I love them. Hugging them close. Buying them Jones Soda (salmon flavored).

I guess I just want to say that I love you to all of you. I know I may have some random readers to my blog, but most of you are my closest, dearest friends. You guys make me who I am today (only the good parts, Ill take the blame for the bad.) I hope you all know how much you mean to me.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Another Deep Thought



You know, if you think about it, reading a form or application that someone has incompletely filled out is like talking to a functionally retarded person.

"Did you go to college?"

"YES!"

"Where?"

"(silently walks away)"

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Defining REBELLION


























In an effort to fill the drama void on our blog lately, I will say something that has been on my mind lately. Get ready.

SEX AND THE CITY SUCKS.

I dont get it. I enjoyed watching it ONCE, and that was because I was drunk. I dont care about these shallow women and their petty problems. I know I know. People think its brilliant.

SUCKS


ASS


.

I understand that my views aren't the most popular on this subject. I know that there will be a backlash. I am prepared to fight to the death just to prove a point.

THAT should piss people off.

Another pointless relationship post

*Normally, I would make some sort of scathing jokes about the passing of Proposition 2 which showed how so many people were wrong, and we were right. But I just don't have it in me. I'm quickly losing faith in humanity. It seems to me now the only beauty in humanity can be found person to person. Goddamn.

So, in the past couple weeks, I have been out on one date with a girl I see almost every day. She is the niece of the director of my show. She is sweet, gorgeous, and I'm vaguely certain now that she spends her days and nights thinking of ways to keep me in the dark as to how she feels.

Literally, in the same night, I will get a clear cut "I want to date you" signal, and then five minutes later, get what should be a clear cut "I'm not interested" signal. F'rinstance:

One night, she had said that she would bring me some leftover dinner she had made. She got to rehearsal, no dinner, and she said that they had eaten it all. Understandable, but not a big sign of pure romance someone feels for you. Then, later on that night, I asked her if there was any chance of a post show date this weekend, to which she replied "Very good chance!"

I guess Im overthinking this. (I have been known to do that.) It would normally be a whole lot easier to blame it on myself, and say that maybe Im coming on too strong. But then, a second date isnt really that much to ask.

Man I dont even know. I had been being very good and down to earth about girls. Despite all of the horrible things I went through this year, I pretty much blamed it all on fate or the craziness of others. I try to keep a good head on my shoulders, and be myself as much as possible. But this girl....she makes me nervous. I mean, truly, I cant be funny or charming, socially-awkward nervous. In a good way, in that I really like her. In a bad way, in that I act retardedly.

Well, as Ive rationalized before, I have nothing better to do, relationship wise. Ill keep you updated. As far as I know, we are supposed to have a date SOMETIME this weekend. We'll see.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Proposition 2.

I am not a registered voter.

I did one register at one time, and I voted in the election for Al Gore against Bush, but I have not registered since. Not because I am against voting, or even because I think one vote doesnt count (on the contrary, I think if we are to save this country, it will be by numbers, and each person makes part of a whole). Mostly, I don't register because I am lazy. In truth, I can barely get anything I HAVE to get done done, so things like registering to vote, stopping for pedestrians, and actually cleaning any part of the house sometimes seem like way more than I can possibly accomplish in a given day.

As a non-voter, I always rationalized myself as something of a critic. As such, it let me feel better about not doing anything. "I'm not out to change the world," I would think. "I still don't know enough to do anything but rant." Its because of this BS that I kinda avoid making huge arguments about bills that are up for the vote. As full of shit as I am, I dont want to be seen as TOTALLY full of shit.

This Prop. 2 thing is a little different. I dont mean to say that I am not full of shit anymore, but I know a bit about Prop. 2, and the people it affects. I'm not going to go into ALL of the rammifications it has (which, if you take a look and learn a little, it affects a LOT of people in a LOT of different ways). I'm just going to talk abouthow it affects me, as any normal selfish non-voter would.

My father, as most of you know, is a homosexual. My dad and I don't get along too well, but he's a good guy. I remember him nervously coming out to me. Take the time to imagine this:

I'm only fifteen, my body is taking me on a rollercoaster or oily skin and hair, and the thing I most worry about is some girl calling me fat. Imagine how much it changes you to have to deal with a parent who is going against everything he and I have been taught by our family and religion. Remember, also, that I didnt have an easy life. My parents had split up when I was 4, and my mom had dated a borderline abusive man for 7 years at that point. Dad had been in and out of relationships, and I, stuck in the middle, had a huge inferiority complex and a nice healthy case of clinical depression.

I know my dad thought of this a lot. I think he was very prepared to accept my resignation as his son. Or, to go on pretending to be straight just to keep me. When I told him that I already knew, and that he was still my dad, he wept. And this was MY dad, the truck driver, who I didnt get along with because he was a hard case. Weeping. It changes you, the sight of something like this.

His boyfriend, Troy, became my stepmother. He is very funny, and so sweet and maternal that Ive wondered who his SuperMom role models must be. We had fun, all of us. We were all guys, so we tended to be messy, but we would joke with each other, and all go on little outings, and spend time together as people should, like the every-other weekend I had with them was not enough. I think its funny that my Mom (who many of you know to be the sweetest lady ever) and her boyfriend and I never ALL got along, and my dad and his boyfriend and I were a family. Over the years, Dad and I grew apart because of the stupid ways that men do. (I think when a man turns twenty, he either has to find a new respect for his father, or stop getting along altogether, or both.)

My father has worked hard on himself, battled through his own preconceptions of sin and the unnatural, fought hard through the predjudices of his family and friends and coworkers and everyone in the goddamned state. He finally found a place where he can be happy with himself. Its so easy for some people (me included) to just assume everyone else has it as easy as we do to be happy at all. I mean, I hate a lot of things about myself, but I can forget a lot of those on a good day or night or five minutes. Can you imagine not being able to feel natural at any point in your life? My dad could. He's happy now, and Im prouder of him than anything I have done thus far in my life.

So, understand, it sticks a bit in my craw when his rights are taken away from him. If Prop 2 passes, he and my stepmother will not be able to get married. I love my family, as much as I dont spend time with them. Why dont I, or my father, or Troy, deserve to have a family? We're all going to Hell, I spose some would say. I know most of you can imagine my sheer FRUSTRATION. We cant have a family because a group of people say so. Why? "Cause." No, really, why? "Cause. Jesus told us not to let you."

Ah, I remember Jesus when he came to talk to our campus (we got history credit for going to see him at the Union). Yeah, that Jesus was a big supporter of love, and of family, and treat others as you want to be treated, but then a dude wore pink in the third row, and Jesus pelted him with cattle hearts and damned him a bit. Or, maybe I remember it differently. What I learned about Jesus is that we should treat EVERYONE as we want to be treated, and I seem to remember someone saying that god's gift is a gift of love, not the gift of knowing who to hate.

And it IS hate. Talk all you want about being gay friendly, but I gotta tell ya, if Im friends with Catpants and Dr Dexter, and then I say they cant have the same rights all of us do, that wouldnt be very friendly, would it?

This whole issue reminds me of the black civil rights issues. "Blacks can go to the same schools as us, sure. They can ride on the same busses, no prob. They can even go on tv. But, they have to drink from these water fountains, they have to ride in the back, and they can only be shown in peon roles or in musical acts. I mean, sure, they're people, but lets be CIVILIZED here."

I guess Ive rambled on long enough. But I will say one more thing.

I love my father. I love his partner. I love all of my gay friends (except the assholes). If they cannot have the same rights as me, I am slighted as well. I can tell you now that if Prop 2 passes, the chances of me returning to this state after Seattle go down to zero. If my friends cannot have their rights here, then I will not either.