Uh....

Headline from MSNBC.com:

Wild gorillas spotted using tools for first time

Now, I've never been one to freak out. But its obvious to me that these new apes (I've dubbed them SUPER APES) are going to be the new rulers of our planet. I'm going to go ahead and bow down before them, and I would advise you all to do the same. I, for one, welcome our new SUPER APE overlords. Bring on the bananas, sirs!

The Problem with Weather

FINALLY! We got SOME kind of rain/wind! You know, wind is fine on its own, but RAIN is the spice of life (at least it is right now). I swear, when I was walking to my car yesterday and happened to hear the rumble of faraway thunder, I pretty much creamed my pants. So excited was I, that I went home to take a nap.

When I woke up, I realized that the electricity was off. I noticed this because my alarm had been set to wake me at 6:30, and it was now 7, and I had rehearsal literally that minute. I got up, rushed around to put some pants on (i like to nap, but not in work clothes), then head for the door, as my dear mother is freaking out.

"Chris I dont want you goin out! The streetlights arent working!"
"The car has headlights JUST for that purpose, Mother."
"But how will they have rehearsal if the power is out?"
"Mom, we live in a small town, but it isn't Mayberry. Do you think the WHOLE TOWN's power is out?"
"YES!"

As we got to the garage, we stood there arguing, until I finally shut the door.

"Mom, that's it! I HAVE to go! I have to go!"
(I press the garage door opener)
"....I cant go!"

So I didnt get to rehearsal last night until about 8. As the stage manager, I felt kinda stupid. But, at least I had to deal with Mom's panicking. I went out to smoke, and came back in to hear the car running in the garage. I ran out, and sure enough, there was Mom, sitting listening to the radio with the car running and the garage door closed.

"TURN IT OFF! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF!?"
"(turning car off) what do you mean?"
"You cant have the car running with the garage door closed!"
"Why?"
"YOULL DIE, WOMAN."
"Not with the car door open!"

Keep in mind, you dont need to turn the car on completely to run the radio.

But hey, all that aside, I got to wear my cool black jacket this morning. Bring on fall!

Where the hell can I get these suits!?

The worst thing about idolizing a somewhat obscure star of a musical genre that is hard to identify is there are few times that a concert is very easy to get to. My hero, Chris Isaak, is almost never in town, but rather in Austin, or his native California, or a couple other big cities (take a look at him; you KNOW he plays Vegas).

The BEST thing about it is the kinda thing that happened last night. I came home from rehearsal, and an exhaustive search for gas, and sat down to a dr pepper and 250 cds that needed to be put in my cd bible (it becomes ridiculous to call something that can hold 350 cds a cd "wallet"). I flip around, not expecting to find much, as it is 10 o clock.

Lo and behold, there is a PBS SpotLight concert featuring Chris Isaak. WOOHOO! says I, and settled in for about a half hour of good show.

Aside from the obvious musical taste, I idolize Chris Isaak because he is a SPECTACULAR showman. Wearing sequin jumpsuits has long been laughed at, but good god, he makes it work. He doesnt ever take himself too seriously. Speaking freely with the crowd between songs, he reminds me how much bands like Semisonic suck so much, live. He truly makes the audience feel as if they are there to experience something with him, not to worship him. You can really tell he admires his band (THE SILVERTONES, how cool is that!?) and looks at them as friends as well as mentors. They played good songs, including a few from his Baja Sessions album, a totally acoustic LP that I just bought and am right in the middle of being obsessed with. At one point, I was polishing and applying the weird decal-ey thing to my guitar, and I pulled it up and played along. Ah. How music soothes the savage beast.

My favorite part of the evening, however, was when the bass player and drummer began a riff that you knew was leading somewhere, but you couldnt identify quite where yet. (I love that) Chris steps to the microphone, and makes the following speech:

"Okay....I need everyone here who is with someone they deeply care about to raise their hands...yeah...keep em raised...I need to remember you all so I dont waste my time trying to hit on you after the show...ok, you people at home! There aint no one there with ya, go ahead, take off all your clothes. Its hot in yo house!....dont worry, Im wearing a sequin jumpsuit! That makes me like a government official. Rollie (the bass player), go ahead and step right up to the edge where they can touch ya...Ok, now, people at home....if you got ointment, use it.....now, take your body and just go ahead and press it up against the tv set....feel how cool and comforting that is? Its not a sexual thing, just a comfortable healing thing, between you and me...its just you and me now...."

He then launched into Baby Did A Bad Bad Thing.

I wanna do that someday.

PS: I wont tell the ENTIRE story, but I also remember watching him on Austin City Limits. During one of his little raps, he said the following:

"Now, if you guys really love me, we'll take y'all back to the hotel with us. It never goes quite as smoothly as planned. The first time you wake up spitting out sequins...man that's ROUGH."

Letter of the Day

Picture this as read by John Cleese

Dear Cretins,I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:

My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website....HOW?

I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.

I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.

I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someonewill call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.

Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.

I thought BT were sh*t, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.

British Telecom - w**kers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage. I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.

Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.

Here's a fact few of you may know. In the past year, my favorite movie has become Love Actually. Shout out that it's girly all you want, but it is some of the most clever and touching writing around. Certainly better than a lot of the more serious films that have come out around it. When I decided to become a film major (long, long ago), it was so I could make movies exactly like this. I always knew my interests as a filmmaker and playwright lay in this area. All I've ever wanted to do as a writer was make people feel what this movie made me feel: the spectrum of emotion. Seems like a tall order now. And I've been able to write lately are scary stories and softcore filth. Bah.

I had seen it before, but I was reminded of Love Actually at a recent get together with Catpants and the Doc. Doc was cooking, as usual, and Catpants and I sat on the couch and had our little girl-talk during the movie. It was then that I realized (and subsequently told Catpants) that romantic comedy, clever, touching, heart wrenching romantic comedy, is the work I want to do as an actor and as a writer. Romantic Comedy is the perfect place to make jokes about anything, but you can also stick in good monologues and whatnot.

All that aside, as the winter approaches, I am left with my normal ACHING for the Christmas Season (it is especially important to me this year, as it will be my last in Texas, for a while anyway). I think I will be reliving this movie a lot, before the season, and during. I invite you to do the same. Its quite brilliant. Below is my favorite quote (on posterboard!), and the result of a quiz from the Love Actually website, www.loveactually.com. Its a quiz that tests your LQ (get it?) and tells you what kind of lover you are. I challenge you ALL to leave your results in my comments.

Mark: [on sheets of poster board] -With any luck, by next year -

-I'll be going out with one of these girls-

-But for now, let me say -

-Without hope or agenda -

-Just because it's Christmas -

-And at Christmas you tell the truth -

-To me, you are perfect -

-And my wasted heart will love you -

-Until you look like this [picture of a mummy]

- Merry Christmas -


MY LQ

The Loyal Lover- You're a Lover you can lean on. Loyal, with a heart of solid gold.

So

Remember when Jewel was the bohemian, slightly angry, but still cute girl that everyone loved? When she was the kinda messy looking, t-shirt-and-jeans kinda girl? Before she seemed to sell out overnight? I do.

Who will take her place nowadays? Do I even like girls like that anymore? (Yes I do.)

Head Games, by a Foreigner

Ah, nice weekend. Went out friday, got the car inspected and watched LOST Saturday, rehearsal and drinks with a friend on Sunday. It felt like a long weekend, which is pretty sweet, considering how I have had many multiple day weekends that feel like a one day break. Today, I have NO WILL TO DO ANYTHING. So, I will tell you about the first time I received oral sex.

I was never a terrifically popular youngster with the ladies; I mean, I had a bunch of friends, and all, but I definitely didn't have the active sex life I had this year. Be that as it may, I was always very willing to please my significant other. I think of all of my friends, I was the first to give a girl the old downtown harmonica lesson. I really did like to do it, and still do. Nothing's hotter than bringing a girl to the heights of pleasure. Sometimes ya gotta work for it, but practice hard enough, and you'll get a rep for being talented at it. And, brother, that's the kinda rumor you PRAY gets passed around to as many people as possible.

As willing as I was to do this, I got tired after about three years of "I said you could do what you wanted, but I never agreed to reciprocate." I LOVED doing the Southern Hemisphere A Capella with a SUFI thrown in, but it gets old constantly giving pleasure, yet having to take care of business after you had dropped your girl off and gone home. I mean, I can make up hotter fantasies than THAT (so I thought at the time). So much was I in the piss off area, that I literally cut a girl off one time. (She immediately broke up with me for a basketball-playing VO-Tech student; I later heard tell that he was no great shakes in the sack. Fuck him.)

So it was very special, the night I brought the girl I had been dating for a couple of weeks, Anja, over for "Movie Night". In my house, where I had a tv and vcr combo in my room, along with the largest movie collection known to my circle of friends, also along with a Mom who pretty much left me alone, "Movie Night" was a super code word for "Heavy Petting". She was a pretty lass, with long brown hair and big brown eyes, the eyes connected by what some may call a unibrow, but I prefer to call a "lowered halo". (I have past the point of idiocy in my randomness here, so Ill try to get back on track.) She had what I think to be the perfect body, voluptuous, with curves in all the right places, not too skinny by any means, but not overly heavy, either. Of course, she was embarassed about her body, but think back to YOUR high school years, ladies. Even the most confident of you pulled the "Can we turn the lights off?" Hottest of all, she was from ANOTHER COUNTRY. It slips my mind as to what country it WAS, but she had the accent and all. YOWZA. That still gets me goin. So, as we put in the movie (The Breakfast Club), we had all the little cute high school pre-making out rituals. She would hold my hand, I would put my arm around her, she would kiss my hand, I would kiss the side of her head, yadda yadda. Skip to the main event.

We're going pretty good, making some steam on the old glasses (which I actually wasn't wearing; have you ever tried to kiss passionately with glasses on?) I have her shirt pretty much off, the bra has long been abandoned under my futon, and her jeans are unbuttoned, but not off or anything. I start to head downstairs, where a girl will do one of two things. She will either A: lightly pull you back up, or B: moan and arch her back, giving you the greatest Go Ahead signal EVER. She arched her back, moaned, and said somethng in a language I had never heard before. I took it all in, and decided she was giving me clearance. So, as they say, I went to town. And all was well.

So, after, when her hair was messed up in an adorably sexy way, and my hair was messed up in what I am always sure is a "Have you just been in a pillow fight?" way, she asked me the words every man wants to hear, but few know how to answer. "Now what can I do for you?"

Guys are often thrown out this little catchphrase, and as hot as it is, it always causes me more trouble than needed. You cant really just say ANYTHING that you want. You have to keep it really, really reasonable. If you overshoot, she'll be horrified, and you'll get nothing. If you ask for too little, you'll get what you ask for, but always wonder "Could I have ACTUALLY asked her to shit on my chest like I wanted?"

Remember, I had reached a point of high frustration in my life. So, I ACTUALLY REQUESTED WHAT I WANTED. Of course, in that high school way, so it was, you know "COuld ya.....ya know." Apparently, Anja was from the right country, because she didn't immediately ram a goat up my ass or anything. What she DID do, was get that really hot look young girls get that is half trepidation, half pure excitement. She said, "I never do thees before", and I think I almost lost need for actual contact. But, I was so close to the goal that for me had become the holy grail of sex. Would I actually get this thing, that I had almost begun to believe was only in stories? So, I lay back, she gave me the little pecks down the chest, and it began.

In theory, there is nothing hotter than oral sex. Someone's MOUTH on your Bits and Pieces. It is one of the most intimate and...PRIMATIVE acts I can think of. Very hot to think about.

This was not as hot as I had imagined.

In addition to being a beautiful girl, Anja apparently had a small mouth, which, in my frustration, seemed to be a problem of NOT OPENING FUCKING WIDE ENOUGH. Then, when THAT little hurdle was leapt over, she seemed to grow about 300 more teeth. It was the first time I learned that SHEER FORCE did not always work, even with men. Then, after a bit of coaching, I got her to employ the use of a hand, which, to this date, was probably the biggest mistake I have ever made in my sexual life. (Quiet down, those of you who know better.) So, this was not the elysium I had envisioned. Right at that moment, a bad thing happened.

In the movie, they got to the part where they are discussing the birdhouses. The line from that scene that always gets me going is "No, you're a GENIUS because you cant build a birdhouse." So, there I sit, a foreign girl with dubious self-esttem's head in my lap, pants around my ankles, surrounded by various underwear, and I get the giggles.

Needless to say, Anja no longer thught of me as "her American boyfriend." Im vaguely sure that in the coming weeks I would have been stabbed by a burly man in a mustache who claimed to be Anja's father for such an insult, but they moved back to wherever they were from. My prowess as a head receiver was never made public. Well, until now.

I can say that I have received oral a few times since then, and a couple of times it was great. Some people REALLY know how to please the person they love. Which is all the reciprocation I could want.

But its funny to think back, and remember. Don't hesistate to ever offer me anything ladies; but if its left up to me, I'll probably pass on the Meat Flute Recital. I would rather just make out.

You Are Bad Girl Sexy Girl, you are nothing but trouble. And that's hot. You've got the classic bad girl sexiness mojo going on. And you're badass attitude makes men fear you - and crave you. Don't give into people who say to tone it down. You're perfect as is. What Kind of Sexy Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Welcome To My Own Hell

Ok, so, like just about everyone I know, I'm about 3 inches away from setting the building on fire. My patience is running out for the morons I work with, much less the morons that work around me. I don't want to make a big whiny post, but Im going to vent here a bit. Be prepared. You may not care.

*I HATE when people from different departments refuse to acknowledge the world around them. I get this call from someone in Admissions, that goes like this.

THEM: Hi, this is so and so in admissions, calling on behalf of a student. (My anger rises immediately, because students should call for THEMSELVES.)
Me: Ok, whatcha need?
THem: Well, the student needs to send in some test scores. Is there anyway we can get away with just having a fax?
Me: No, it has to be an official copy.
Them: Well, the deadline is tomorrow......what's gonna happen?
Me: .....Doesn't look like they'll make the deadline, huh?
Them: Well...Is there anything we can do?
Me: Yeah, WE can send in OUR stuff on time. I can sit here and forget about this as soon as you hang up.

*I HATE that I work with a person who complains just to complain. SHe's very much the person who thinks its ok for HER to complain, but no one else knows how it is. (which isnt the best way to get on my good side.)

Yesterday, we all got assigned to help on this project that involved putting a book into an envelope. My friend Beth, my best and only non-annoying friend in my department, is in charge of sending out the "Viewbooks", those big pamphlet style things that tell about the University. Because of some BS with our big boss, she ended up getting an order for 8000 yesterday. Keep in mind, that means they have to GO OUT yesterday. SO everyone is assigned to take 4 boxes of 90 each, and put them in envelopes. THats IT. Of course, my crabby coworker, who I will refer to as PAM, is immediately slighted personally.

"When I had that job, we had to send out 8000 Viewbooks EVERY DAY." (Keep in mind, when she had this job, there were 7000 students. Apparently, every student requested 2 new Viewbooks daily.)

"And then, when she had given us all HER work, she took a SMOKE BREAK! Im sorry, you don't hand other people your work and then take a break." As Pam knows, Beth had spent the last hour and a half lugging around literally 100 boxes, all of which weighed upwards of 60 lbs. She also had a fever, having been sick for the past week. Plus, we have assigned smoke breaks now. PLUS, it wasn't BETH's idea to hand all this work to us. The bosses thought we could do it, because we had nothing to do. The whole thing took about two hours to do.

Pam hasnt stopped complaining since. I hate that she can get away with this, just because "She's kinda vocal."(the words of my boss when I complained). You know, not everyone may know this, but Im rather protective of my friends. Every time I hear Pam's grating voice, I want to go in there and shove a stapler.....

*I HATE the cleaning lady. I dont think she's a bad person, but she has been here TWICE this week to vacuum in the middle of the work day.

"Student Records, this is Chris."
"WHAT!?!"
"THIS IS CHRIS!!"
"WHAT!?! ALL I HEAR IS WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"

Once again, I say something to coworkers about hey, maybe it isnt the best thing for a customer oriented office to not be able to work due to the cleaning people. "Oh she's nice! Leave her alone!"

SHE AINT LEAVING ME ALONE. She was just in here vacuuming my DOORWAY. If this shit doesnt cool down a bit, I may give her a REASON to be up here every other day. (Keep in mind, this is the same cleaning lady who I had to leave my office in the middle of the day for, so she could clean.)

*I HATE being screwed. I had mom call the Pep Boys, to see if they could fix her car horn, which hasnt been working.

PB: Oh yeah, it'll be $85 for the diagnostic to see whats wrong, then Ill be able to tell you how much it'll be to fix the problem.

Me: How much would it be to replace the entire horn assembly, sight unseen?

Pb: $45.

AGH!

The New Math

+



+



=

Nutcase's Top Five Most Annoying Things I Can Think Of

5. Buying a special face soap or special care item (OXY, Stridex, Neutrogena Facial Pillows), using it for three days, and immediately getting a zit.

4. Being constantly scrutinized for productivity, and having nothing to do.

3. Having big plans, getting right up the day, and then having them taken away by some unrelated twist of fate.

2. Bad breath, no gum, and the first pretty girl you've seen in days, all in the same room at the same time.

1. Whether or not you have something to say that is REALLY important, some people refusing to listen.

High Times On The New Show

There is nothing quite like your director asking, "Do you ever partake of the ganja?"

(I did, with he, in front of his 15 year old, who looked particularly bored by the whole thing.)

So, auditions went reasonably well, considering only 18 people showed up for a 40 person show. Im not really sure what we might do, other than make calls and offer parts to strangers. A couple disappointments, however, DID make an appearance. First of all, these auditions were in the new Rehearsal Building. Alls I can say is Eh. I mean, sure, I suppose its great that this company finally has a rehearsal space after whinging about it for so many years, but there's something....less fun about spending time in what used to be an air conditioner supplier building. (Plus, you know, its hard to get the ac in those metal buildings, so it was like 88 degrees in there.)

Also, the hot, cute, or reasonably attractive girl turnout on this show was disgustingly low. Four whole girls showed up; two were over 40, one was under 17, and one left before actually auditioning for undisclosed reasons. (Perhaps she was a lesbian, and took notice of the bleak prospects.) Normally, this girl thing is not that big of a deal, but in a show like this, you're lucky if you're not saddled with the octagenarian set at ALL times. At this point, the best I can hope for is hanging out with the director, and hopefully everyone will bring kids, grandkids, and hot younger friends. Hmph.

But, all my weeping aside, it IS nice to be back in the theatre life. Its been awhile since I sat somewhere and had a long line of people come in and say hello and ask me how I've been (Loophole notwithstanding). Its nice to feel well known and popular. Or at least well known. Or somewhat known.

So, today, after a two day absence that felt both too long and too short, I return to my high rise office in the sky, a determined but carefree look on my face. It occurs to me suddenly that I really really REALLY do not want to work today, and if anything horrible happens, like the phone ringing, I may just SNAP. Prolly not though. I may, however, need to sooth my soul with the steamy sounds of Maroon 5. Who wants to have sex to music?

Random Thoughts from A Local Nutcase

*I dont know why, but I look and feel like crap today. Perhaps Im not getting enough iron or something, but I woke up sick to my stomach with a headache. And Ive got kinda the "hungover heroin-user" look today. Eyes red, feel bloated and dumpy. I hate to fish for things, but any blowjobs you might give would be appreciated as proof that Im not as repulsive as I feel.

*Scrubs is the best sitcom I have ever purchased DVD's of. (I am not including animated series, here.)

*I learned earlier this week that I can cry on cue. Its weird when you're kinda playing around, acting like you're upset, then laughing and looking the mirror and noticing that you were really crying. Bring on the acting gig in Titanic.

*Despite feeling ugly today, I have felt very "Man on the town" lately. Bring on the chicks, Im back in the saddle.

*Its funny when you order something through your own amazon account for someone else. It screws up your Recommended for You list. I have now been recommended a Martha Stewart Book, a sewing video, and lipstick.

*Its ALSO funny when you order something for someone else, and slip your OWN order in there. My mom will now get a bill (Im not kidding here) for three books and an acoustic guitar.

This just in.....Catpants is a HO BAG

10 years ago I was: 13, just figuring out how to REALEASE myself without the aid of medical professionals or females of the opposite sex

5 years ago I was: Gearing up to grad-jee-ate high school.

1 year ago I was: In a good relationship, but not knowing where I was going.

Yesterday I was: Bored, stuck at home, on a holiday, with nothing to do

5 snacks I enjoy: beef jerky, chocolate chip cookies, ritz, cheese, sour straws

5 songs I know all the words to: City Love, A Little Respect, One Angry Dwarf (and 200 Solemn Faces), Not Coming Home, You Won't Be Mine

5 things I would do with 100 million dollars: NEVER WORK AGAIN, buy my mom's dream house for her, get my teeth fixed, TWO WORDS: Flying Car, finally get all of the things I want, and still have the energy to use them

5 places I would run away to: Dublin, Seattle, Quebec, the Loophole, the arms of another

5 things I would never wear: capri pants, leather sandals...otherwise, Id wear ANYTHING, if only for a laugh

5 favorite TV shows: Scrubs, The Twilight Zone, LOST, THe Simpsons, MST3K

5 bad habits: Being a dick, complaining about my own shit, smoking (i guess, its all part of my joie de vivre), making innapropriate jokes, letting my emotions rule me

5 favorite toys: PS2, the Kia, work computer, other peoples insecurities, the ladies

5 people I tag to do this: um....this is exactly how all of the tag games in SCHOOL ended.....

Hm.

Funny. On the days where I get to work at 6 and dont leave until 530, I think I might be willing to trade my big penis for a car.

Not for long, though.