Halloween Musings of A Local Nutcase

* Sometimes when I see a girl walking around in fishnet stockings, a leather miniskirt, and a tight black top, I wonder: Is she in costume, or just a slut?

*Maybe its time I got the old ACTUALLY WARM coat out of the closet.

*I love Halloween, but almost never dress up. Not because I dont have time, or cant think of what to do, just because I dont like to.

*My rage in the workplace has reached the level where I am beginning to wonder if I can walk out of here peacefully when the time comes, or if I will have to do something horrible, like throw a cherry bomb in the toilet, run out of the building and never come back.

*I just never get the chance to do the jitterbug anymore, since cotillion.


















*This is the look the next person who comes into my office will receive.














Happy Halloween!

I am now a whore.

And not in the good way.

I have had a very personal defeat this morning. On campus, October is the only month that a certain charity, SECC, can offer incentives and things to urge people to donate (in either a lump five dollar sum or in two dollar increments every month from your paycheck). A couple of people in my office have thus been HARASSING us to donate, ostensibly because the first office to have 100% participation will receive $1000 (which I later found out from Dr. Dex is in the form of a scholarship).

Now, when I say they have been harassing us, I want to be clear.

They have come into peoples' offices and stared them down until they agreed to donate.

They asked one of my best friends here at work if she would donate if everyone else did. She said she would, and they told her that she was indeed the last person. She donated, then found out that there was about 50% of the office that had not yet agreed.

I was one of two holdouts that made it this long. I'm all for charity, but it pisses me off to no end how these people FORCE people to give. I decided that I would not donate, not to be a dick, but to silently protest the treatment everyone has received. Its not anybody's place to tell me what I should do to be a good person. Furthermore, I dont like to be bothered at home with people asking for money; why would I at work? This has been met by different reactions. On the surface, many were saying "Come one, Nutcase, go along now." But underneath, and on the surface of a few, I felt like everyone understood my point. I felt pressured, but stuck by my guns.

This morning, one of the two Donation Nazis came into my office and sat down. I was working on something (my blog, actually) so she stared at me in silence until I said, irritatedly, "Yeah? Can I help you?"
"Nutcase,dont you want to donate $2 each and every month to SECC?"
"Um...no, not really."
"Cmon, theyll take it right out of your paycheck."
(I have no idea why that would be a selling point for ANYTHING.)
"Id still rather not.
"What about a lump sum of $5?"
"No, Id still rather not."

This went on for about 5 minutes, until I finally agreed to let someone else make a donation in my name.

Later on, one of my coworkers told me that she had had the chick in her office for 15 minutes, and it was getting "ugly". The Donation Nazi actually had to be "came and got" from the office by the other Charity Pusher. I told everyone what I had finally agreed to, and I have to say I feel like I saw a bit of disappointment in her face, as well as in a couple of otherpeople's. We then immediately got an email from the head of our department thanking the donation nazis "for their hard work".

I feel like I havent stood up for my convictions. I feel like, despite the fact that I dont care what people think most times, and the fact that I am revolutionary by nature, I have sold out.

Fuck this place.

"Kids, what did we learn tonight about Fluffernutter tonight?"
"He has had congress with the beast."




















"Little Snotsie, aren't you an little ANGEL!?"
"There is no god."






























Oh please, God, tell me there is a DOGGY groom walking around and not.....anything else.






















It was only after it was too late that people realized Little Sparkle was a raging cauldron of angst and violence.

Papercut to the Eyeball

Man, I canNOT get enough of bad horror movie reviews at www.i-mockery.com.

You know what else I cant get enough of? This weather. My only wish is that it wouldn't be so sunny, because that causes a strange greenhouse effect in my office. So, I sit in the 60-70 degree weather, with the fan on because Im hot. Hmm. Texas.

2 of 5

I had a great weekend this weekend, for a lot of reasons, here are two.

1. Batman Begins. I dont care how retarded I get over this movie. It's good.

2. We opened Seussical, to great success. We had problems, sure, but nothing that turned off the audience tremendously. (Even a fire alarm that went off REPEATEDLY did not dissuage our audiences from having a good time. And, jack, that's what Im here for.

I got more worried about this show than I normally do about any show, mostly because I came in two days before we had an audience and, all respect to the stage manager directly before me, I had to basically set all of the stage manager crap in those two days. Saturday night was the first night I didnt have to take home the (HUGE) score and rewrite my entire book of cues and crap. I was ready for Miller Time come Friday, I can tell you (as I know everyone involved with the show was).

Last week, when I was coming home from the theatre at 11:45 or so, Mom asked me if I was having fun. "OF COURSE NOT!" She then asked me a question that I feel a lot of non theatre people have: If it isn't always fun, then why do it? Its a simple answer, that we all know. We do it because it isn't our hobby, it isn't our job, it isn't even always fun. We do it because it is our PASSION. I can't see myself NOT doing it.

As far as this show goes, Im doing it because they need me, and because if I can do this, I will have a personal high note to leave town on. I dont mean to say Im a big hero, and I have no huge ego about theatre (I dont really think I know much at all), but its a big deal, being able to do a show in two days. Even wrong. Im proud. And the chicks (mostly taken though they are), are hot. By the way, if anyone in the show hasn't heard, I WILL be back for the second weekend.

THE BEST NEWS STORY EVER

Girl Fights Pit Bull
10-Year-Old Saves Dog During Walk

OMAHA, Neb. -- A pit bull is being held at the Nebraska Humane Society after a 10-year-old girl jumped on the dog, which was attacking her 4-pound dog, Omaha television station KETV reported.

Teghan Hert, 10, was rushed to an emergency room but only suffered a couple of minor scratches. She said she was just taking her 2-year-old Chihuahua for a walk when a pit bull came charging at them. She said her instincts took over from there.

"She's my best friend," Hert said of her dog. "I don't know what I would do without her."
Hert said that during a late afternoon walk, the pit bull broke free from its leash as it walked along the same street with its owner. The big dog jumped on the Chihuahua, then Hert jumped on the pit bull.

"I was just trying to pull him back with all my might, but it was impossible. He was so strong," the girl said.

Hert's mother and a neighbor helped pull them apart.

"I was just screaming, hoping that someone would come out, and luckily, that guy did come out. It was so scary," Hert said.

"Even myself, as an adult, would not reach into the middle of that," said Teghan's father, Ralph Hert. "I don't think she thought anything. I think she wanted to save her puppy's life."

Ralph Hert considers his daughter pretty brave. He's just glad she wasn't seriously injured.
"The Chihuahua weighs 4 pounds and it would have been over pretty quick. So without what Teghan did, the Chihuahua wouldn't be here," Ralph Hert said.

The Chihuahua suffered superficial wounds.

The owners of the pit bull told the station that the dog is a household pet and was most likely trying to play with the Chihuahua, not hurt it.

The owners have been ticketed for lack of restraint, having no license and no vaccinations.
The pit bull is under quarantine at the Humane Society for 10 days to see if it has rabies. The dog can then be returned to the owners.

The Demands of My Job*

*according to a recent job description put out by HR

These are the physical demands required of my job. I am not making these up.

While performing the duties of this job, the employee is occasionally required to stand; walk; sit; use hands to finger, handle, or feel objects, tools or controls; reach with hands and arms; climb stairs; talk or hear. The employee must have the ability to operate a personal computer and occasionally lift and/or move up to 25 pounds. Specific vision abilities required by the job include ability to distinguish the nature of objects by using the eye. May be required to sit for long periods of time.

Hands, body, and mind dexterity are required.

I <3 The Ladies

NOTICE: The following blog is not meant to put myself on a pedestal of self-righteousness, but merely to express my thoughts. Please take nothing away from this, except the fact that I am horny.

This morning, while discussing last nights rehearsal, I asked Catpants who the hot chick was playing the drugged out bird. (This show is fucked up.) Catpants informed me that it was a girl I have actually seen in a show before, but I had never found attractive in the slightest. Apparently, this girl put on about 20 pounds since then. I, personally, have never found a more beautiful creature than a woman who was.....Voluptuous? Not skinny? (Its hard to find the words I want without sounding sleazy in some fashion.) Dr Dexter and I have agreed on this many times, and mostly we agree on the same girls we like (except for the fact that he likes Helen Hunt, who I always think looks tired.)

Thinking about this has shown me yet again how interesting a personal attraction can be. Some people have types ("I only like guys who look like they have been in prison", or "I only like girls who wear too much make up and call me Daddy 100% of the time"), but I always surprise myself by who I am attracted to. I always like girls with a little more meat on their bones, and I tend to stay away from the bizarrely frizzy/curly hairded ones, but other than that, so many factors come into play.

I remember one girl who I had a HUGE crush on in high school, who was skinny as all get out, and not extremely pretty in the face, but her personality was so CUTE, it lit up her eyes in a way. She would make this cute little voice, and say the most adorable girly things. I know that sounds annoying, but, having a big immature cute streak myself, I fall apart for that kinda thing.
I can also remember a girl who had a GORGEOUS face, but a smaller chest and not such a good lower body area. She was HILARIOUS, and WAY smarter than I was, although she would never admit it. She had the best smile ever. It was sardonic, and very cynical (as the girl was herself). Ah, it was dreamy.

My point is, I guess, that I am weird. If I see a girl who is completely unattractive on Monday, I can see the same girl on Tuesday and fall in love because of a different hair cut, or pair of glasses, or, god forbid, low cut top. Ladies are so pretty. (I stress the word LADY, because every girl I have fallen in love with, truly, has been first and foremost the kinda girls Mom would be cool with.) So, when I am asked to describe my perfect girl (as I am sometimes), its very hard to put it down. I guess I've always wanted to date a redhead, but other than that....its all up the air.

Shitsical

Well, its official. For the next weekend, I (like everyone else in town, it seems) am the Stage Manager for Seussical.

The show has its problems, but I cant WAIT to work with Catpants, Babs, Lestat and a bunch of girls I can hopefully get drunk and trick into having sex with me. Or, if not that, a bunch of gay dudes I can hopefully get drunk and trick into having sex with me.

All that being said, Im rather nervous. This is my first rodeo as the actual, factual stage manager, and its a beast.

Oh, by the way....

The single greatest Batman movie ever made comes out on DVD today.

Just wanted you to know.


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Par-tay

Okay, so here's the deal. This weekend, after my lovely Doctor's appt, I treated myself to the Undeclared Complete Series DVD's. Its a lovely show about dorm life, that ironically premiered the day I got into the dorms. Hilarious, but heartfelt, several things have already come to light to make this my new favorite show that got cancelled.

*I am (according to myself, Catpants, and E3) exactly like Ron, the lovable sarcastic big guy.

*The main characters trials and tribulations being a friend of Lloyd, the mop-haired man whore, pretty much mirror my experiences being roommates with Zane, the mop-haired man whore.

*The episodes each explore some facet of dorm life that all of us have faced. (The freshman 15, roommate sex, etc)

Watching these shows has made me wish I had a better time at my dorm. My roommate at the time didnt so much care for my style of living, and I didnt really care for his, so our good times were pretty slim. (Plus, if you wake in the morning to the odor of action figure, you can pretty much assure yourself that no sex will be had in your room.)

During one of my favorite episodes, the dormies receive a half full keg, that they have to pour out and drink before it goes flat. This (and the ensuing antics) prompted Catpants to say, "Hey! We should get drunk!" Alas, it was too late.

I miss the dorm-ey times. Too much fun was missed out on.

So, what I have envisioned is one Saturday soon, when no shows are to be had, an ALL DAY DRINKING BLOWOUT. We start at noon, and dont stop until we are sick. We invite various people over at various times, so they can witness different stages of our drunkeness. Ideally, it would be a pretty day, so we have a lot of chances to get off on little excursions and adventures. We should secure a ping-pong table, or the like. I will bring my guitar, not so I can practice or play well, but just to strum on, as someone will inevitably decide they know how to play Smells Like Teen Spirit a few hours in.

It will be cathartic. It will be like reenvisioning our College years, where we can pick fun people and real friends to be with, instead of the smelly guy from B-tower and "Easy Jenny Ugly-Face" from 204. Plus, (maybe this should be a selling point), it will be the perfect way to celebrate my 24th birthday. In lieu of actual gifts, people could bring weird college-y gag gifts, like the Belushi poster, or a bong, or one of those dancing gophers from Caddyshack. Maybe at one point we can break out the mary jane, but I feel that may turn it from "Long, slow drunk Day" into "Chris is wearing nothing but an alligator hat Day".

I think itll be great. What do yall think?

The Prodigal Returns

After a 7 day hiatus, I have returned to work and blog. I missed you guys, and I hope you know I am ok.

Sickness is never fun, particularly when people (OFFICE people) act like you were gone for seven months. I come back to find that my coworkers have INTERROGATED both Dr Dexter and a couple of other people who count more as my friends and less as my coworkers. Its like a knitting circle in here.

But anyhow, Im back, and in a few minutes here, Ill give you a good blog.

But first I gotta check about 800 emails.

Slump

I hate whiny little posts, but be prepared, this is one.

I have, for some reason, decided to be very unhappy for the past week. I dont know why. I feel stupid, and unattractive, and everything I would normally do to feel better feels shallow and pointless. I suppose I could drink my troubles away, but even that has never worked. I just like to drink, it doesn't solve any problems.

Consider this post less of a cry for help (I dont want your pity, nor do I deserve it) and more of an excuse for when/if you talk to me and I am completely weird. I have nothing to add to anything, it seems, but strangeness and melancholy.

Blah.

Gum Ivory, circa 1900s ball player

1. YOUR PORN STAR NAME: (Name of first pet/Street you live on): Oscar Jasmine

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (Favorite snack food/Grandfather's first name): Pomegranate Alford

3. YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME: (1st word on left /Fave restaurant): Printer Guapo

4. EXOTIC FOREIGNER ALIAS: (Favorite Spice / Last Foreign Vacation Spot): Chili Quebec

5. SOCIALITE ALIAS: (Silliest Childhood Nickname / Town You First Partied): Donuts Dallas

6. "FLY GIRL/BOY" ALIAS (ie, J. Lo): (1st Initial /1st 2 or 3 Letters of Last Name): C Can

7. ICON ALIAS: (Something Sweet In Sight /Any Liquid in Kitchen): Gum Ivory

8. DETECTIVE ALIAS: (Fave Baby Animal / Where Went to High School): Penguin Highlands

9. BARFLY ALIAS: (Last Snack Food You Ate / Favee Alcoholic Drink): Dorito Jack

10. SOAP OPERA ALIAS: (Middle Name / Street You 1st Lived): Brady Braden

11. ROCK STAR ALIAS: (Fave Candy / Last Name Of Fave Musician): Caramello Springsteen

12. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (First 2 letters of 1st name & 1st 3 Letters of last name makes your first name. Take the 1st 2 letters of your mother's maiden name and the 1st 3 letters of the city you were born in): ChDun WiDal

http://voorn.tripod.com/schools.html

TWU isnt covered, but my god, these are funny.

The 5th Sentence of my 23rd Post

Maybe its because I feel good, really happy, while at work, rarely, and I feel even better BECAUSE I feel good.

Does this mean Im going to be sacrificed at the festival of Samhain, or something?

Halloween's comin

This is sort of the pattern of the pumpkin I carved on Sunday. Mom have gotten me one of those craft pumpkins (the kind that are foamy material, but you can carve) and a book of patterns. The one I chose was WAY more ornate and complicated than normally I would have chosen, but I figured, heck, if its gonna last forever, why not make something cool?

Seven hours and one swollen hand later, I had my pumpkin. It looks cool, in the right light.

I also hung up a giant spider on the column by our front door, and a giant Bat out in our tree. Having a house is so nice sometimes.

Ah, hitting on teachers

http://www.insidehighered.com/news/2005/10/03/online

Not being one to learn from other's mistakes, I immediately admit I want to sleep with every woman I know.

Ah, I cant wait

I hear the views in Seattle are breathtaking.