My new issue

Ok, I dont mean to sound like Im complaining (you all know me) but I HATE being the ONLY one not auditioning for or being in a show. Only because tonight, yet again, I would KILL to get out of the house, but I will be stuck at home, yet again, due to everyone being busy. I NEED to have a full docket this weekend, so I put it out there that Im looking for plans this weekend. Saturday is taken care of, as far as the night goes.

Its just so boring not doing anything. Im not crazy enough to audition for a show or anything, but I got spoiled on going out on spring break week and the couple times since then. Me wantie Loophole.

I Lean Towards Sleep

So, last night I went to bed at 6:30, which has happened a few times before (it usually has smething to do with the fact I dont really keep a good sleep schedule, but usually go to work). But whereas I usually wake up at 9:30 or 10, and eat, I woke up this time at 4:30. I decided I was a bit too out of it to actually MAKE dinner, I just went back to sleep. Oddly enough, Im not hungry or anything. I guess I just was tired (which I tell mom every time, and its not always the case). The only bad thing that happened was a horrible horrible nightmare between 5 and 6, and the slight hallucinatory question of my being narcoleptic. Well, it also kinda leaves one without anything to talk about, as to the previous nights events.

Today I am listening to Jars of Clay (a christian rock cd I stole from Kylie, that is actually ok). What are everyone's plans Friday night? Im kinda bored. That said, Ill probably have something to DO, just nothing I want to. Hey, it'll be payday! SCORE!

About my terrible nightmare.....

Do you ever have a nightmare of the slasher variety, a few times throughout your life? I have had a recurring dream about being caught in a Texas Chainsaw Massacre style slasher film. Whats odd about this dream is that I dont have it through my own eyes, but as some character. Last night, the dream included Ryan Reynolds and the chick from 7th Heaven, who was actually in the latest TCM. A funny portion of this dream is I can always seem to will myself to be another character. However, I can never remember who dies, so I dont know who to be. I know it sounds weird, but this is how it happens every time. Maybe Im in the mood for a disney movie. Or a horror film. Gosh, I need time with friends.

FAKE HEADLINES FROM REAL NEWS STORIES

$100,000 reward for proof of psychic ability. Subjects will be punched in the face and then asked if they saw it coming

Five-year-old summoned for jury duty three times in five years, argues unsuccessfully that the boss is gonna bust his 'nads if he doesn't make his shifts

Robot loses to teenage girl in arm-wrestling contest. Skynet goes back to the drawing board

Castro gives five hour speech on state TV, announces pressure cookers and rice steamers for all, calls world situation "chaotic and hopeless," says goodnight, falls down the stairs

Mark McGwire declines "invitation" to testify before Congress over steroids. Look for Congress to come high and inside with the ol' split-fingered congressional subpoena

Vendor falls critically ill after attempting to prove that her food did not cause the food poisoning that killed 26 children. In other news, I'm not eating in the Phillipines. Ever

Conman brags about ID theft scam on national TV. Will emerge from jail in four years with an ass like a wizard's sleeve

Knife-wielding man bursts into dormitory, screams out demand for money. Apparently didn't see the sign outside that said "Police Dormitory"

University "rocked" by plagiarism. In other news, Liberace wore sparkly things

British tourist escapes Great White in South Africa. Police still on the lookout for Dokken, Poison

Store dismayed as the police officer they hired for professional security goes Barney Fife on them

Town whose only pharmacy refuses to stock condoms or morning-after pill surprised by high rate of teen pregnancy

Can a light saber cut through adamantium? Discuss

Is our children getting dumber?

And finally:

Bad: your new sex doll turns itself on at random times. Worse: it turns itself on at the post office while you're trying to return it. Worser: this causes a bomb scare

Ow. My head. And tummy.

Ah, the rigors of drinkin' during the week. I went out last night with the lovely Babs, with Lestat joining us later on. As usual, when I set out to have drinks, I make it my MISSION to drink lots. And smoke more than I mean to, usually. Dont get me wrong, I dont mind. If thats my party MO then thats the hand fate dealt me. Party on.;)

Anyway, we had a lovely, wonderful time. I hadnt gotten a chance to talk to the lovely Babs in like forever, and we never really have gotten a chance to REALLY talk. So it was tremendous. Also, I got to chat with Lestat, who Ive known since forever. (He was actually present for my first hangover, and in the next room during my first sex! Kooky how it was the same day.) So good times.

A funny thing happened when I got to the bar last night. A waiter that we have had the last few times came over, and said "Jack and coke, double, right?" I was like, "hey....yeah.""Will Catpants be joining you?" I said no, that I brought all my womens there. It was just funny, because I think Ive screwed around and gotten a joint that knows me. Its pretty cool.

Letters I will never send

Dear Person Who Scans The Files Onto Acorde,
When you scan EVERY GD PAGE as a separate document, it takes three years to print this bitch out. What say we try to cut short my stupid sitting-here-waiting-for-crap-to-print time? I mean, I know you have a very hard job (put shit in the scanner, press start, wait, take stuff off scanner) but maybe have some consideration?

Dear Stapler,
I swear if you dont straighten up I will start using an electric stapler and never be able to get staples out of anything. You are not long for this world. Soon I will mold you into jello.

Dear Staple-Remover,
You better talk to stapler. I think I hurt his feelings.

Dear White-Out Dispenser,
YOU'D better pay attention to what I told stapler as well, but only because the same goes for you.

Dear Lady Who Comes in Our Office (seemingly just to talk to the boss),
It aint 1963. Get a new style, darling.

Letters I will never send

Dear Person Who Scans The Files Onto Acorde,
When you scan EVERY GD PAGE as a separate document, it takes three years to print this bitch out. What say we try to cut short my stupid sitting-here-waiting-for-crap-to-print time? I mean, I know you have a very hard job (put shit in the scanner, press start, wait, take stuff off scanner) but maybe have some consideration?

Dear Stapler,
I swear if you dont straighten up I will start using an electric stapler and never be able to get staples out of anything. You are not long for this world. Soon I will mold you into jello.

Dear Staple-Remover,
You better talk to stapler. I think I hurt his feelings.

Dear White-Out Dispenser,
YOU'D better pay attention to what I told stapler as well, but only because the same goes for you.

Dear Lady Who Comes in Our Office (seemingly just to talk to the boss),
It aint 1963. Get a new style, darling.

Recipe for Hilarity

Ingredients:
2 or 3 smoking buddies (Females, if you can find em)
1 Outside the office area (like in front of your building)
1 ex girlfriend


Instructions:
*Be outside smoking, then watch as the ex walks up. Give her a hug, and say hello. Do some idle chit chat, then watch as she leaves to go turn in a report in another building.

*When aforementioned female smoking buddies ask who THAT was, say in a quiet but firm voice "The first girl I ever had sex with."

*Watch as ex returns to continue conversation and have a cigarette of her own.

*Finally, act natural and cool as possible, and enjoy watching smoking buddies try not to picture you two in bed together.

More comments should be like Frecklehead's last one

And to whomever erased their comment, dont be shy! We're all family! Talk freely of my blogs as you would if I were not here.

Anyway, Im bored. I agree with Catpants and her blog about mondays. This blows, being at work, and having no plans. Why is it that I always get the hankering to go out and drink on Monday at 3pm? If only I had a spring break. Or, if only I didnt have a job.

Boy, I guess you can tell Im bored, because I've blogged fifteen times today. I guess Im achin' to talk to friends. The weekends have been boring lately. Oh well, Ill just reread old emails. Ooh, Babs emailed me! ..............

LAYER ONE: The Details
Real First Name: Christopher
Birth date: December 28, 1981
Birthplace: Mesquite,Texas
Current Location: Texas
Eye Color: Green
Hair Color: People say its dark brown, but in actuality, its violet
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Capricorn

LAYER TWO: On The Inside
Your heritage: Irish, native american, german
Shoes you wore today: My New Balance sneaks, as usual
Your weakness: calling me a sweet name, like "sweetheart" or "handsome"
Your fears: Never amounting to much, not being considered cool or smart
Your perfect pizza: Thin crust, with either everything on it, or just pepperoni

LAYER THREE: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your most overused phrase: Hardcore!
Your thoughts first waking up: Again!?
Your best physical feature: My eyes, according to a friend
Your bedtime: between 5pm and 5am, depending on how Im feeling
Your most missed memory: Being in a show and loving everyone and feeling very talented

LAYER FOUR: Your Pick
Iced Tea or Soft Drink: Soft Drink
Soup or Salad: Salad
Single or group dates: Single
Slip-ons or Lace-ups: Lace ups.
Fruity or Herbal: Fruity
Jell-O or Pudding: Jell-O
Coffee or Hot Chocolate: Hot Chcocolate

LAYER FIVE: Do You?
Smoke: And How!
Cuss: Fuck you talking about?
Sing: sometimes
Take a shower everyday: at least once
Still talk to your first love: No, not the first, really
Like your job: Yes
Like(d) high school: Yeah, at least once I got to be friends with someone in every group
Get motion sickness: Yes
Think you're attractive: Yes
Think you're obsessive-compulsive about anything: Only really stupid stuff
Get along with your parents: Yeah, does that mean I have to hang with them a lot?
Like thunderstorms: Oh yeah
Play an instrument: I play guitar, but so many people play that it doesnt even count as an instrument anymore

LAYER SIX: In the past month have you...
Spent more than $100 on a single item that wasn't an obligatory thing (bills, etc): A single Item? No
Had a verbal argument where you screamed at someone: No, not literally
Purchased Cottage Cheese: NO
Surprised someone for a special event: No
Purchased a new CD: Yes
Gone to the mall: Yes
Purchased an MP3: No
Sent your resume out for a new job: No
Been on stage: Im always onstage, baby
Moved: No
Had lunch with a group of ten or more: No
Had a cold: Yes
Changed your hairstyle: It changes itself
Taken a vacation: No

LAYER SEVEN: Ever...
Played a game that required removal of clothing: No
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yes
Been caught in a lie: Yes
Been called a tease: Ive led girls on before, unfortunately
Caused a car wreck: WHOA, DID I!
Shoplifted: No

LAYER EIGHT: Getting Older
Age where you believe your life really began (if not yet, give a guess): 20
Do you have children, if so, how many and what are their ages: Nope (Praise Jesus!)
What do you really want to be when you grow up: Working in a theatre in some capacity
Where would you like to retire to: Hmmm....maybe a ranch in the mountains...or an apartment in the city
One fear about getting older: Being disappointed at the end

LAYER NINE: The Opposite Sex
Eye color: Blue, green, brown, doesnt matter.
Hair color: Black, or red. No more of this blonde BS
Short or long hair: Um.....Starting out long, then short
Height: Taller than a hobbit might be nice
Best first date location: Macaroni Grill, or a non chain....Green House, I guess.

LAYER TEN: In The Numbers...
Number of jobs I've had in my life: 4 or 5? More if you count ones I didnt stay at for more than a week
Number of people I could trust with my life: 3 or 4
Number of CDs that I own: A lot, but I lost a few in the 'quake of ought-nine.
Number of piercings: None
Number of tattoos: 1
Number of times my name has appeared in the Newspaper? Two or three times, always directly before a quote where I come off as a drunken letch
Number of scars: 1
Number of things in my past that I regret: I always say I never regret anything, because all of it brought me to where I am now.

DISCLAIMER!

The following story/discussion is what may be classified as "filthy". I will attempt not to use childish, dirty words (like "boner"), and make this as euphemistic as possible.

On friday I was over at a friends house and chatting with a couple of girls. Somehow, the topic of conversation got to be sex, and all of our strange bedroom foibles. While one girl went to the bathroom, another told me that the first has a thing about guys "finishing" in her mouth. I was like, "makes sense, I wouldn't like it either." The girl then told me that no, indeed, she didnt like (...uh...) "FINISH" at all. That kinda got me wondering. Later on, the girl in question said she wasnt afraid of it, but she didnt want to be "finished" on at all.

Now, this really got me thinking. I was at first like, "How can you say that? YOU HAVE TO CUM SOMWHERE!" Then it occurred to me that I was not a firehose or anything in the bedroom. Ive never wanted to spray the curtains or anything. But I wondered then if it would be one of those psychological things, where if a girl says "You can do everything but this", it becomes your LIFE'S MISSION to do whatever it is you can't do. I've dealt with this before. One time a girl told me I could absolutely NOT.....PLEASURE her, orally. From then on, I was constantly headed south with my kisses. (Keep in mind, this was high school, when whether he wants to or not, sometimes a guy lets his hormones take over.)

THEN it got me thinking, maybe I will use this technique to my advantage! I will DECLARE "Under The Clothes" action taboo, and tell people Im saving myself for the pope or something. Then, I'll surely get MORE sex than I get right now. (Alcohol was involved with this statement.)

Anywho, on to more funny things. This is a conversation I had about easter this weekend.

A:I think I’m a it cranky today.
B:At least Jesus woke up yesterday.
A:Wouldnt it be funny to return to the tomb of Jesus and find a bunch of tv wires and beer cans running out the door?
B:And the pizza delivery guy outside grumbling about the lack of tip.
A:"I was waiting tables at The Nazareth Bar, when this table of 12 caused some ruckus. Apparently, this one guy, John, wanted to sit next to the guest of honor, Jesus...but this other guy in the party, Paul, was having none of it because it was his birthday and he called it. I dont know. It was a pretty tough night, as we had just fired our dishwasher, and everyone there had to share the one cup. They said that Jesus guy was some kinda magician, and that he could clear up my eczema. I dont know anything about that, but a busboy shook hands with him and it cleared up his sinuses."

I wont tell you which one was me.

Pay attention, girls!

eXpressive: 5/10Practical: 5/10Physical: 3/10Giver: 8/10

You are a RPIG--Reserved Practical Intellectual Giver. This makes you a Rock of Gibraltar.You are loyal, kind, thoughtful and conscientious. You're a good person. You make everyone around you happier and better, even if you yourself are not at your happiest or best. You just care so much about your friends and loved ones that you can't help giving them everything of yourself. It can wear you out, but you'd never let on. You're successful, smart and fun to be with, but your self-esteem could use some boosting. You don't like conflict, and you don't like demanding things for yourself, so you can feel unappreciated. But then you wonder if you don't deserve to be appreciated. You do! You have many small crushes, but it takes you ages to get to a serious stage with someone. You get so caught up second-guessing yourself and worrying if the other person really *likes* likes you that you never dare to make the first move. Generally you end up with another clever RPIG who knows one when s/he sees one. This adds up to one long courtship. Fortunately this also adds up to one long marriage. You would never cheat. You would never hurt anyone's feelings. You are so sympathetic and give so many second chances that it takes a lo-o-ong time for anyone to get on your bad side. Your only problem is you can be *too* thoughtful -- you can end up worrying and getting hung up over nothing. You may be a boy scout.

Of the 214218 people who have taken this quiz, 6.9 % are this type.

Ha! 

Sigh of contentment....wait, Im at work! AGH

The sigh of contentment comes from the fact that I got to hang out with Catpants and E3 last night. Catpants and I went for drinks and dinner, then talked until E3 got home, then talked some more. Having known these kids for about 4 years now, I have to say I have never had more mature and funny and caring friends. If I had one regret about my hanging out with them, its that they can't POSSIBLY take away as much as I do. After an evening with them, I feel refreshed, and ready for some more things I can vent about. Im starting to get mushy, so I'll wrap up and say I love you, guys. Don't ever change. Except about Boondock Saints, that was a good movie, ya bastards.

In other news.....since today is Good Friday, everyone at work (Catpants and E3 included) is all sitting around on edge waiting for our call from the governer (literally!) saying we can go home. If we get that call, I have already picked out my drinks for the Drinking Lunch I will have. Italian Margarita. Cuba Libre. Colorado Bulldog. Long Island. 3 Mile long island.

While all of these will not be occurring, it makes me want to win the lottery so I can take everyone to Hollywood for the weekend, so we can all go on a full bender. Ah, to wish your life were that of a movie star.

Hey, before I start rambling (again), happy Good Friday, everybody. Happy Easter, too. Remember what happened on this day, a long long time ago. (You got chocolate. 'member?)

Is it friday yet?

Well, its thursday. Im bored, and there are literally two people in the office besides me. So, I shall be eating pizza for lunch, here in my office. This is so lame. Everything seems to be sounding stupid to me today. I feel like a smartass teenager again. So I will be putting up pics and various things on my blog all day. Yawn.

Oh! And also! I've had the argument many times with various women in my life (my mom especially) about picking what to eat. It goes down like this:

Female: What do you want for dinner?
Me: Um...I dont care, I'll eat anything.
Female: How about that really horrible place that's never good?
Me: Well, not there.
Female: WELL YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME SOME IDEAS! I cant think of EVERYTHING!

I had this argument basically with a friend in my office today. We have to order pizza and eat here, since we are the only two evaluators on the floor. She came in and wanted to know what I wanted on my pizza, and I said whatever she wanted was fine by me. She then brought me a menu, a page of coupons, and a list of everything she didn't eat. I was like, "Didn't I just say I would eat anything you wanted?" So now she's mad.

Now, I know I can be difficult, and I know that sometimes I should take the reins and be a man or whatever, but jeezum crow, does it have to be EVERYTIME!?! CAN PEOPLE NOT MAKE A DECISION WITHOUT ME? Am I being oversensitive about this? Perhaps its just because I get this at home every single time anything is in question.

You know what I like on my pizza? Hot, cheesy SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! But not peppers.

Aight, Im back

Well, after two days of being sick at home, Im ready to talk to some hot chicks and lay down some tight blog. Unfortunately, as always, Ill just be talking to married chicks and laying down mediocre blog. Que sera sera, I guess.

Anyhow, a few thoughts.

An amendment to an earlier blog: The time period I wish I was in is not represented in Swing Kids. To properly feel like I want to feel, watch Great Balls Of Fire.

A note to the work on my desk, as would be said by a sixty-year-old hispanic man: "What is dis chit!? What is dis bool-chit!? Ju don' do dat to me!!!"

I got a new zippo this weekend. It has a picture of a chick who looks like Bettie Page with a rose tattoo. Is there anything harder to keep clean than shiny metal?

Despite my retro ramblings, I have to say my favorite band right at this moment is Matchbox Twenty. Bent, indeed!

Actually, this brings me to a good topic to blog on, so I shall. On the Matchbox Twenty website (www.matchboxtwenty.com, duh), you can go to a page and listen to every song they have ever recorded. This is not a "clips" page, nor is it a page with shitty videos. You can actually listen to the M20 library. There are a couple of websites who do this, or some semblance of it (Yellowcard, Jet) and I have bought every one of those people's cds. I think some people are so jaded that they think if you give people a chance to listen to their music for free, you will have no money. Bands who have stupid 15 second clips of their songs and 30 second clips of their videos drive me crazy. I know Im touching on a sensitive issue here, what with napster and all, but even though I will support the poor musician all my days, I thought that wholoe thing was stupid. Let people share music, jerks. It aint communism, its SHARING. The world could use more. (Haha, says Metallica, as he eats money).

Anyhow, off my soapbox. How is everyone?

Tattoos on chicks......would I be ready for that? Its definitely a certain kind of girl who will get the whole shoulder inked. Still kinda hot though. 

Ah, beer hangover

So, to take a cue from my lovely friend Babs (and also because I think ive figured out how to use Hello), I think Ill be putting a lot more pics on my blog. Note: These will mostly just be pics that caught my eye, so please do not be offended if scantily clad girls show up a time or two.

Last night I had the delight of spending the evening with Babs and the Fedora family. It was a lovely time, and I had not gotten to see Babs in like, months, so all was well. Until about nine, when I realized I had downed about 4 or 5 beers. Now, I dont get drunk off of beer, mostly because around about an hour after starting drinking, I get insanely gassy. Not sos that I expel anything, just so that Im uncomfortable and my tummy makes loud gurgling noises. Bad times on a date, let me tell you. Today I feel pretty much ok, except for an uneasy stomach, and being tired. So good times.

Yesterday I found a great retro clothes website, www.daddyos.com. They had a huge links list, so for the entire afternoon I steeped myself in the retro lifestyle. (This is where I got the pics Ill be using today.) Its fun. Although Im not sure I could date one of the girls pictured....they seem pretty hardcore, where as I seem pretty softcore most of the time. Hmmm. Has anyone dated a girl with sleeve tats before? Im betting it would be.....intense.

More later.

Is there anything hotter than this? I think not. 

Update on the status of my well-being

So, this week at work was very stressful. But its over now. Today is St Patrick's Day. It is almost friday, and I can wear jeans tomorrow.

These are all reasons to be running through campus naked, singing at the top of my voice that I am the King of the World. But Im not. I think part of it is the fact that Im not in a show. Another part is the events of the earlier part of the year (chicks talkin' to Jesus). Both of these, and a couple others (irrepressible loneliness, coupled with a paradoxical feeling of seeing too much of people) lead to a huge feeling of.......emptiness. I should be happy in many ways, but somehow I dont really know how to feel.

Im fine though. After spring break, I bet Ill be tip top. The strangeness of no one being here is giving me a very funky demeanor.

Kiss me Im Irish!

Really, I am. 78% (I have no idea how that works out, but thats what the 'rents tell me). I have to say its one of (if not the best) thing to be. Its so much fun, having a reputation as a spiritual, hard-drinking, hard-fighting, funny, deep culture. The preceding pictures show my favorite things about this day, and also about being irish.

The Chicks

..... are HOT! Redheads, true, actually red redheads have been my dream since I was a wee lad. (HA!) Oh, and the green eyes i justeeeeeeeygfsdfuaifihofha......Damn, they're fine. The brunette irish girls are also hot, dont get me wrong. Its all good. MMMmmmmm.

The Blessings

Is there anything you think of when you think of ireland that isn't somewhat spiritual? I was actually lucky (hoho) enough to be raised a southern baptist, but as fate goes, I came THIS CLOSE to being an Irish Catholic. Say what you will, but catholic has always been my choice of religion (if I had to choose one). Steeped in old-timeyness and ritual. Some call that boring, but I adore going to mass. All the prayers, the responses....it really seems like what church should be. Old School.

The Booze

The drink shown is a shot called an irish flag. I cant remember exactly what it is, but the green stuff is creme de menth, and there is Bailey's in there. Yum. The cool thing about being the dorky, funny guy is sometimes, if you are lucky, you get a repuation as a party animal. Being irish has always seemed to me about being a hard partier. At least on March 17th it is. Amen, brother.

The thing about it is, if you live up to the Irish stereotype, you can be a hard partier, funny, and also insanely depressing, all in the same evening. (You drama students know what Im talking about.) I have to say I am hilariously jealous of E3 and everyone who went to Ireland this past Winter. If I had a dream come true a day, today's would be getting to go to Ireland and just hang out for a while. Lay low. Hmm.

So, Happy Saint Patrick's Day. (Slainte! as they say.) I cant wait to enjoy the evening with Catpants and E3, and perhaps Lestat at some point, and drink beer (or Jameson, if I have time to get it), and enjoy being free of English Oppression in this country. (I guess I celebrate that twice a year.)

Yum! 

My Favorite Irish Blessing

My favorite part of being Irish! 

Wow!

Bacardi 151 Congratulations! You're 139 proof, with specific scores in beer (60) , wine (133), and liquor (86).

All right. No more messing around. Your knowledge of alcohol is so high that you have drinking and getting plastered down to a science. Sure, you could get wasted drinking beer, but who needs all those trips to the bathroom? You head straight for the bar and pick up that which is most efficient.

I didnt knock hard enough on wood

So, Saturday, Catpants and I talked about how her knee was, and I told her that the closest I have ever come to being "hurt" was kinda sorta pulling a muscle in my neck during Mattress a few years ago. This little dancer we had was in charge of warm-ups, and she had us do yoga things that I guess I wasnt ready for one night. The only thing that happened is I whined for a second, and one of my costars (who is a massage therapist) rubbed it a bit, and it was fine. (Yes, I just said costars). So, I was telling Catpants, literally, I have never had a break, a sprain, a twinge, a twist, a pull, a.....decapitation. She said Id better knock on wood. I did.

And then promptly moved a bed by myself yesterday, and pulled a muscle in my back. Not worse than the only other one, I suppose, but I dont have a massage therapist on hand. And no one in the office I would readily let touch me.

I miss people who can give backrubs. My ex was TERRIBLE at it, and thats not just spite. I mean, she did things that either hurt, or were mildly irritating. If there is one thing I will miss about doing a show right now, its doing a show with hot chicks (like everyone in my links list) that I would readily pay for a sock in the eye, much less a back rub.

Ah, for the days when I loved everyone I did shows with. Oh well. After my break, itll be back I bet.

Speaking of back, ow owowowowowowowowwooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. I hate the feeling of being too big for my lower back to support. What with a head full of air, youd think itd be easier.

Happy spring break! (Ya bastards)

Well, we begin day one of the holiday I dont get (and therefore pout about it all the time. I wont be doing this too much more guys; thanks for hanging in there).

Anyhow, I had a lovely weekend, spent with the Ronin family, and my pal Beth, and me mum.

Friday was lovely (even though time spent with aforementioned "Hera" was kinda boring). Actually, not to be parenthesised, to be truthful, the time spent with BETH was lovely. It was very obvious when I got there who I was there to see, and I feel bad about it, but I have to say I ignored Hera most of the time. She reminded me of a cedrtain girl most of us have worked with....who tells stories that are long and pointless. But with Hera, the pointlessness lies in the fact that they are all about a boy who has a girlfriend yadda yadda yadda. Are we not adults here? This is not a topic for polite conversation. However, to be fair, Hera was very very sweet to Beth when Beth was in a bad place, so she will always have my respect. And she is a sweetheart. But I well you what, she doesnt know anything about movies. ("I always just say, 'Nope, havent seen it, guess Im a big loser.'" "Yeah, you and every other person in the world. Get original.")

Saturday, I got my new phone turned on (!!!), and went to hang out with Catpants and E3. We talked of times past, and cooked out, and watched Firefly. (As I figured, they got right into it. I love those two so much.)

(This bears repeating, just so everyone can know this is true. I would be crazy or in tears right now if not for the efforts of my two friends Catpants and E3. I shall name their first born after me.)

Sunday, I did what had needed to be done for weeks now, and spent time with Mom. For the most part, it was terrific (We went shopping for the house and I changed the theme of my room on a whim) and it was a beautiful day, and Money did not seem to be too much of an issue. I love those days. Last night, we watched Papparazzi (Pretty cool, for you angry people like me) and Exorcist:The Beginning (really gross, but ok), and I redecorated my room. Yay having your own space! I will never feel alone when I have my lovely room to keep me company! And my porn, of course.

Anyhow, good times. I'll take this relatively slow moment in the day to thank everyone for their love and support after my recent change in management. I appreciate it more than y'all will ever know (at least more than I will let you know), and you all deserve a beer on me. Call my new # to pick this up soon.

(You dont know my new #? Email me, and I will give it to you, as well as a steamy photo of me trying on various "cozies" for a ski trip!)

I am now an asshole

Just to let of you know, you people who read my blog thinking I am a sweetheart. A side-effect of my breakup I have just stumbled upon is my complete lack of effort.

I was planning on going to dinner tonight with my friend Beth (subject of an earlier blog) and a few friends of ours from highschool. The friend cooking dinner (we'll call her "Hera") is coming. The party basically plays out like this: Me, Beth's Family, Hera, a jock who Hera has a crush on but who has a girlfriend, and Hera's now-gay ex boyfriend who she wants to make jealous. So already, Im all over the sheer drama of the event.

Beth asks me if I want to go, and of course I say sure, because I like old friends sometimes. She asks if I can bring dessert, and of course thats fine. Im thinking of what I will bring, when Hera tells Beth that she would like "shortcake, with berries.....these berries will do."

I immediately said "I'm not going."

Thats me! Extend NO effort.

Im just kidding. I dont take it back, and have no plans to. It would be one thing if she had been like "This would go well, if you are stuck trying to think of something..." But no. "I command that you bring this." Screw that. Plus, she told Beth that while she "Hera" was AT THE STORE. She had gotten paid today. Nuts to that, man. I dont know YOU.

Ah, random and meaningless rebellion is sure fun.

My new horny blog

Hmmm.

Babs always has these cool pictures on her blog of ladies wearing 40’s-50’s era clothes, and done in a retro style.

I must say, I have always found the modern versions of these girls very very attractive.

You know those people you meet one time, for five seconds, but they are so attractive in some way they stay with you forever?

One of the first ones I can remember is a girl who was working the ticket booth at the Inwood Theatre. She was a blonde, with a curly bob haircut. (closing my eyes, falling into sense memory) She had pale, almost porcelain skin, with red lipstick. She was wearing glasses, black cats-eye frames. She had on a conservative yet stylish white blouse, a grey slim skirt, and those white stockings with the seam up the back. She finished this off with those black heels with the round toe and the ankle strap. I can see her like it was yesterday. We only spoke for about a minute, her asking me what she could do for me, and me getting a ticket to Blair Witch, or whatever I was there for. She called me “Handsome”. Needless to say, I was in love (if only for the space of the movie).

I think this girl was partially the embodiment of a lifestyle I have always craved. I remember sitting with my dad in a bar he hung out in (in Dallas, or somewhere) where the clientele was mostly people in their twenties who all acted and dressed in that cool retro way. I remember wishing I was one of them, smoking, talking over coffee or whatever, living life as if it was constantly a Reverend Horton Heat song. The old-school, retro lifestyle, but in a (then) new, Rockabilly fashion.

Now that I do smoke, and drink, and go out, it seems the only place I can go is either Sweetwater, or some shitty college bar, where everyone has horrible conversations about politics and crap I have no interest in. Perhaps my problem is that I live in the 21st century, where the new fashion is now. Or maybe its because I live in Denton, where the watchword for fun is “Its all we have to do”. I don’t know how I can fix this problem of not being able to find the life I want. Who doesn’t though, right?

My new dreamgirl is a lot like my first dream girl. Or maybe they have all been the same.

Either way, I feel like watching Swing Kids, drinking and smoking, and wishing that were my life (without the Nazis, of course).

The wacky way my head works.

My boss is running late today because "the huntin' dog got into the show chickens". Outrageous!

Im thinking of changing the way my blog looks again. Hmmm.

I clipped my fingernails last night, and then when Mom was looking for the clippers, I comepletely denied having seen them for 6 months. I don't know why. Perhaps for revenge, because she moves my crap around and then claims to never have actually lived with me. Ahh, to be out of the house again. Oh well.

Not much work being done in my office today.

I was asked yesterday (by my boss) if I would like to go to a motivational rally in Dallas (with George Foreman!) today. I would have had to be at the office at 6:30 am, and taken the TWU van to American Airlines Center. We would have been let out of it at 5:30 pm. I would rather die in a testicle fire.

My glasses are on my desk, in my office. Along with my contact case. They have been there for three days. There is no way this makes sense.

MMMmMmmm. Food.

Im tired of Mexican food. Bring on the chinese! Or maybe the thai. Oooooh.

Ok, moving on.

(cue dramatic upswell)

Im done complaining. (HAHAHAHAHAHA)
About my relationship. I really believe as far as Im concerned, its over. Time to begin the wonderful process of moving along. Stop playing "What's Forever For?" and start playing "It's Ladies Night". Time to start being really annoying to friends and loved ones, and begging them to hang out with me! (Fortunately for me, a couple of friends have just had children and are desperate for adult conversation! BWAH HAHAHA) Time to start not paying bills and growing a mustache and wearing robes and oils!

TIME TO BE SINGLE AGAIN!

That being said, I spent the evening at home by myself last night. I watched Flight of the Phoenix. KICK ASS movie! Dennis Quaid is so great. He looks exactly like two of my uncles. I was always on his side as far as Meg Ryan goes. You go, Dennis Quaid! You were in Jaws 3D!

The worst of my yesterdays, and the saddest of my tomorrows

What are you gonna do, I ask? When the girl you love, the girl you are supposed to marry breaks your heart into a million pieces, what are you SUPPOSED to do? I went out and got blatheringly drunk.

Saturday night, in an effort to feel better, I agreed to go hang out with my best friend from high school, Beth. We had a great time (Beth and her daughter are beautiful, and Beth's husband is as funny as he was the first time I met him), but I guess I was pushed over the edge as far as drnking is concerned. I kept drinking and kept feeling bad, so, MORE DRINKING! Eventually, it was 3:30 and I needed to go home. (Drunk, of course.) There is the perfect example of my mood since last Tuesday. Self destruction at its finest. On the way home, I messaged Kylie, in a fit of horrible depression, and said "I miss and love you. Why can't we be together?" I got home (I would say by the grace of God, but we are not speaking).

Not to be overdramatic, but Sunday was probably the worst day of my life so far. I woke up feeling like I ate bad tunafish, and had hit myself in the head with a sharp carving implement. I woke up at 9, and had the kind of hangover where you cant even go back to sleep, your head hurts so actively. I tossed and turned (Each time getting nauteous) until about 10, when I received Kylie's reply message. "Its going to be alright, I miss and love you also, but I know this was the right thing now. Ill continue prayers.:)" At this point I sank lower, low enough to go to sleep. I dreamt horrible nightmares of us having huge fights, and breaking up, of never getting to see her again. When I woke up, I realized all of these might as well be true. We had broken up, and the worst thing was that she was not even talking about it like it was temporary. I may as well have walked away from her, because if you listen to the way she puts things, its over. SO, when I woke up, it was 2:30, and I decided it was time to get better. I marched (slowly) to the bathroom and made myself throw up. (If you are in the market for a horrible psychological problem, I recommend bulimia. There is nothing more self-humiliating.)

So, I spent the rest of the day in bed, in my increasingly messy room (even though she didn't live with me (GOD FORBID, or forbade!), the place was really messy as soon as she was gone).

I lay for most of the day in my own filth, then got up and threw up again, then spent several hours on the john (apparently, the pizza we had had last night didnt sit well at all). Around 6 or so, Mom knocks on my door and asks if Im just tired or if I mean to ignore her. (Always good for sensitivity, is my mom.) It wasnt until bedtime that night when I realized what I was waiting for. There was a time when I could be sick and someone would call and see what I was doing, or why I hadnt talked to them. That time is passed. Kylie could now go several days without hearing a word from me, and be fine. I have about a thousand friends, and they all act as if they love me, but I had never felt more lonely than I did this moment. I wanted to cry all day, and then all night (no sleep), but for some reason, my tear ducts have closed down during this entire debacle. I dont know why, and it makes me all the sadder for some reason.

Part of my problem is the way we broke up. I have to say if she had said I dont like you, I would have been upset, but understanding (I HATE me!). The way it is now..... We have had, like, one conversation since this whole thing. In it, I kept trying to make her see what I saw, that we should be together. It doesnt help when she keeps throwing out phrases like "The One True God" and "He died for us." Its upsetting, first of all, because am I to believe Jesus died for my sins, so I should let him have my girlfriend in return? Seems silly. Also, because it is not an argument I can win, if my argument is to go against god. Im not that good of a boyfriend.

I realize that thousands of people go through this worse everyday. Im not the first to write a sad song. And I also know that Ill get over it one day. But the saddest thing I have ever heard myself say is "I wish it was later so I could forget her."

The other day, someone asked if I hated her for this. I wish with all my heart that I did.

Did no one learn anything from Jekyll and Hyde?

Just to let you loyal readers know, my lady parted ways with me last night, citing religious differences (I believed I was God, she disagreed, haha). I dont know how Im feeling. Im tired. And very very sad. But not really upset.

Anyhow, spread the word. I hate having to tell the same story ninety times.

The lilies of the field have died. My heart is black. (Not really)

PS: In Jekyll and Hyde, they sang Take Me As I Am.